life updates for anyone who cares

spiritual awakening + lethargy

so  i remember reading somewhere that whilst going thru a spiritual awakening, you will experience extreme lethargy which i have been feeling so greatly lately.

like i just have breakfast and i feel tired, like a good tired.

but anyways, i looked  it up and found these 7 signs you're experiencing major spiritual awakening: https://natashache.com/spiritual-awakening/

and BRO when i tell you i felt every single one, im not frkn kidding.

#1 your mind is empty ... the way i havent had more than one thought at a time. thats why im taking my sweet time thinking about this rishta too bc i literally cannot multitask with thinking like you know how usually when youre "thinking" theres acc alot of thoughts going thru your head, not just one? but its not like that for the past two weeks, but especially the past week. i literally get physically drained focussing on a thought, idk if its avoidance of the problem but ye. i truly feel like im meditating 24/7 and ive become  "quiet" all of a sudden lol (courtesy to rishta #2 mum's assessment)

#2 you're cut off from the world and oddly youre okay with it..ye pretty much. peak hippie mode i feel. but the way i see it is, if im sociable and somewhat social and can pick up on social cues, i  dont see a problem with choosing not to hang out. im sick of people pretending its cooler than it is. its not. i havent lost my social charms (altho i definitely need to  be careful of this) but i just feel like instead of trying to impress people, i can just BE and thats okay. this is who i am. i dont want to be doing too much and being too much in your face.

#4 you need lots and lots of rest.... literally for the past two days i casually slept for TWO hours in the day time and then again 8 hours in the night and i didnt feel like i got " too much sleep" i feel like it was just right.

#5 you occupy your body differently... oh hell yes TAKE YOUR BRA OFF WHILE SLEEPING IT IS A GAME CHANGER TRUST ME i feel so comfortable and so much more sensual even when i am wearing the bra

#6 sleep is always an adventure... well not really but i do enjoy my sleep very much

#7 the outcomes of your worldly pursuits don't concern you anymore... ye pretty much. i can honestly and proudly say idc about the outcome of this rishta or anything really in life atm. idc about my podcast, my non-existent blog, the fact that i got into my honours degree, the fact that i dont have a job and have to rely on centrelink, im not even sure i want to be a relationship counsellor anymore lol, idk if i want to do tiktok etc,  i even went as far as to consider if i still wanted  to be a psychologist ... you can tell im really going thru it rn. but i brought myself back to reality. this is THE best place to produce from bc i dont give a sh*t about how it is perceived and i frkn love it so ye i should use this to my advantage.

still apply to jobs, still get the degree, still do well and still do things bc this  zen energy is so beautiful.

ive never felt so tired to talk, lol. the rishta #2 mum thought i was "quiet" lol... and truly i think i might be becoming a bit more quiet just while i figure out my sh*t and im not ashamed of it. i will not be pushed to be more loud etc. i feel so comfortable. i dont talk too much, i dont talk too little. its just right. i love it. i love how comfortable i am and how in my spirit im feeling. im so excited to turn 21 in shaa Allah.

Of course it'd be nice if you get this job or keep that relationship. But you're way less attached to them than you used to be. Because like it or not, the focus of your life has gone through some subtle shifts– it's now focused on giving birth to your own transformed self. Just like someone who's pregnant, your days implicitly revolve around the new life forming in you. You're busy with what's happening inside you and any other goals feel like distraction. However, none of this may be obvious to your conscious mind. You may start wondering if you've become too passive when it comes to pursuing the normal goals of life. Yet if you go against your own inner knowing and start your world-conquering missions now, you'd find that none of your actions yield much result. And you're doubly exhausted in the end. Thankfully, you care less and less about what others think of you. And you may find that people like to be around you, even though you haven't done anything to please them. The collective consciousness has a lighter grip on you. And your perception has grown that allows you to differentiate between thoughts and desires originated from your deeper self and those that are mere inheritance from the collective.