life updates for anyone who cares

had an interview with my best self

so yesterday i literally sat with myself whilst studying as one does and asked myself what i do to look like that (flat belly, big ass) and the answer came to me immediately. 

i shouldve done this before but better late than never. i literally just have to start. im sick of feeling like crap and out of control. bc it simply isnt true. there is only an internal locus of control and that is my hands.

another thing i realised is that my husband is a mirror reflection of me for eg. his discipline that doesn't really exist is also the case with me. i can definitely stick to smth but i dont honour all of my promises to myself, and thats not right bc it sets a precedent for others.

the reticular activation system is literally a confirmation bias system in humans' brains that tells us that our perception of reality is correct, no matter what it is. so why not feed it positivity? 

having an interview with your ideal self is so important bc rn all i need to focus on is uni and gym as well as eating right and then slowly i will add on other goals for eg. being able to cook well, and efficiently. i want to add that to my visionboard.

i need to start my sharia course soon too.. i will do so after exams iA and only do it for one day so that i can balance it out. another thing i need to slowly incorporate into my routine is my relationship counselling degree bc that is important too. 

my best self is sexy, sensual, on top of things, shes smart, intelligent, fit, toned, has a big a$$$$$, tight core with two lines in the middle and she puts herself first.

so thats what i started doing from today. i need to focus on myself, be clean, hygienic, level-up for myself. maybe it'll inspire my husband to come up on my level, i hope that it does. 

i got annoyed today bc he keeps relaxing and not doing anything except watching dumb youtube videos that arent even funny and then just continues to distract himself for as long as he can, until he has no time left to do anything else. but i told myself today that i am not responsible for him, he is responsible for me. i need to let go of this control that i have over him. its not right and it very claustrophobic for me too. it puts me in a masculine state and that makes me never want to smile etc. bc i cant relax... i cant relax bc he isnt stepping up. and idk how to fix it