life updates for anyone who cares

got angry today + felt powerful

ever since i started swearing recently idk why, (maybe its the sexual frustration but i should stop) but i feel so powerful. 

like today, we were planning for lun* park and three of our "friends" obviously like regularly were treating it like a frkn joke so i got BIG MAD. and i didnt go off  but im pretty sure they could feel it thru the screen, as they should.

like do you even want to hang out? if not, sthu.

i dont appreciate flakers. why the frick would you help plan smth and then flake last minute bc youre a scared little b*Tch? gtho

i need new friends. thats what i realised today. this sh*t is embarrassing and im done putting with it. i disrespect myself everytime i take sh*t like this. so what ima do... is firstly be annoying during the planning process and as petty as i can be. and possibly even pretend like my parents wont let me go. bc since everyone is using their parents as a scapegoat, i will too.

and also, how the hell do you expect to have fun if you cant try to convince your parents of where you want to go?

so your parents can let you drive all the way to lun* park BUT wont let you enter it "without [your] brothers"? the sense is not there. the reason being that last time they went there, they were serving alcohol openly. like ok???? unis serve alcohol openly but youre still allowed to go there... ALONE. like i dont understand. plus its covid so im pretty sure they wouldnt be giving out free food + drinks out like that anymore. but sometimes parents are so non-sensical.. its embarrassing.

also these pathetic people that im not gonna call my friends.. bc friends respect each others' times are not little b*tches when it comes to plans. so defs need to manifest new friends to have good experiences with.. possibly other friends that are NOT paki but still have respectful parents.

the problem is people around me are either SO FREE that they can go ANYWHERE at ANY TIME or so strict that they need to hand their parents an itinerary. i need some people with parents like mine: who mostly let me go places as long as it is before 5-6pm. which is very decent bc once i was out and came back at 10pm and nearly experienced an islamophobic attack. so im NEVER going out at that time again

anyway when i got MAD today. i went MAD and i called the girl who was scared of the rides a bottom.. bc that is what she is. she finds it offensive bc she calls herself a top but really shes a big baby and is scared of everything and has anxiety.. idk how you can be a top but whatever.

i just felt powerful bc i was mad about smth and i expressed it. AS I SHOULD. and i wasnt thinking about what they were thinking about me. bc frankly I KNOW theyre not thinking of how stupid theyre going to sound before they say the stupid stuff that they say.

i wasnt thinking of how i was perceived. i really said *middle fingers up* and expressed how i felt. and im proud of me for doing that bc people who disrespect you acting like theyre the only ones that can have such stupid conditions, then im gonna create a fuss aswell. i just need new friends tbh. i dont really care if my sister still wants to fw them but i just dont. f them and their stupid parents. im frkn DONE with this sh*t life is too frkn short to be disrespected.