life updates for anyone who cares

50/50 argument

so i asked my husband if he would get married if he was non-muslim and if he agrees with what other men say about about marriage; eg. that its risky bc you owe the woman 50%.

but he said he wouldnt get married if he was non-Muslim bc like people cheat alot esp non-muslims etc. didnt mind that answer but then i asked him about "what about the 50/50 after divorce?" and we argued back and forth and he said smth like "she doesnt deserve it bc what did she do for the business?" which i found very concerning bc men admit all the time that women enhance their lives, their businesses, their mindsets and then turn around and say sh*t like "what did you do for the business" and then i said all of the above and more bc peace of mind cant be bought.

and he agreed but when it came to business, he became very selfish which was interesting for me to see. so i decided to dig deeper into that feeling. how can men say 'women dont love men' and turn around and keep their business assets hidden from the wife they claimed to love just a week ago. isnt it interesting how quickly people switch up on you, how quickly it turns from "you should stay at home bc thats your role as a woman/wide/mother" to "but dont you dare touch my money that i earned/worked hard for" as if all that housework and quality of life can only be measured by business earnings.

and to be fair, i get where he was coming from.. basically he was saying that if all of the ways women help men is non-quantifiable.. why quantify it? bc we dont wanna die of hunger, thirst and the way this world works, we need money no matter if we want to or not.

ik Allah is trying to detach me from the love of people and truly ive been jolted awake. im so tired from crying but im still here typing this up so i dont forget what i learned from all this.

then he said stuff like "shes a selfish woman that is trying to quantify her 'love and affection' into money and for that reason she shouldnt be given anything bc shes greedy" but what about the so-called 'man' in this equation who equally does not want to give away his business for the same reason? and also, we live in a world which uses money as its currency so wtf is that about? even if i didnt give a flying crap what you earned, i still need money, to survive. so saying that me asking for money makes me greedy and selfish...is very tone-deaf and very stupid and ignores the societal reactions to women getting divorced vs men getting divorced.

and my anger was also at the fact that i basically funded half of our food business and its like not even acknowledged, like as if he didnt take literally $7-9k of my savings for that stupid food truck and its operations. like why would it kill him to add my name on the legal docs? thats also what got to me, why is there a hesitation to do so if hes not afraid of the 50/50 etc? and then he said smth that stuck with me, "you want me to put you in the business so even if things go sour, i cant leave you bc im stuck in the business with you bc youre so afraid of people leaving you that you would rather keep them thru obligations instead of actual love/care" which is when most of my anger dissipated. its true. why would i want to hold anyone hostage of my 'love'? thats not love. i want people to choose to stay with me bc they want to, not bc they have to or any other reason,

all i understood from this whole ordeal is that no one, not even my husband, is gonna be by my side when sh*t hits the fan. just like Aisha (RA) was alone in her struggle when she was slandered against, and she took it on the chin, where everyone including the Prophet doubted her innocence ( bc at the end of the day, hes human, no matter how perfect) and thats how i felt after that conversation. for the first time, truly alone and on my own.

i figured out that i need to focus on my business, on becoming financially independent, i need to focus on this 'blog' of mine, i need to focus on my brand. i still have a long time to go before i can call myself a psychologist, but until then i want to discover as much stuff as i can about food and disease and establish a brand from it. 

the only way thru this is with financial independence.