life updates for anyone who cares

letter to myself

soooooo

ye i need to CHILLLLLL out i find myself seeking validation from people now and honestly it irks me bc my core self does NOT approve at all and its just annoying bc everytime im about to turn it around, someone gives me validation, i feel 'valued' and then i forget that i have to be a warm-blooded animal and self-regulate.

at the end of the day, trying to remove smth thru logic that arrived there thru emotion is doing it backwards. and so i must find validation inside of myself, inside things I want to do for eg. TIKTOK and the podcast that my sister and I have started.

i think these were great starts. these are my creative outlets and i must abuse them to the fullest to reap the benefits of a wholesome personality. i need to get to know my shadow... that means i might have to take a break from social media for a while (esp twitter since thats where i get my fill from) and focus on content-creating for tiktok and podcast ideas.

I am tiktok famous. SPEAKING IT INTO EXISTENCE

the stocks i bought did so well that im financially free and my assets outweigh my liabilities.

one thing i have to evaluate about people is that really all they're seeing is SURFACE and they dont really do much for me for me to consider their opinion (except if its constuctive criticism)

my antidote rn really might be to deactivate for a few days and learn to self-regulate. read Qura'an and focus on things that do me good and focus on creating my creative energy.

bc i dont want to feel sh*tty again and i dont want to be at the mercy of people's approval

focus on having fun instead of always thinking about things or being too serious. this is why i love tiktok.. it reminds me of my childhood. and there are times where i really care about what people say about my obsession of it.. but most times its like? all the Greats that we talk about now in history books were made fun of in their lifetime.. from bill gates, einstein,  steve jobs to me, hidayah. bc this is a test of character. am i so weak that i will stop achieving my dreams bc of some lowlives who dont want to reach above their salary bracket? or will i rise above all that.. like the Greats always do.

i remember in year 9.. and in general when im aligned with my core. i feel like avatar. all the forces working for me.. at the times when i need them and thats really what im striving to be. ive started to block/cut out negative people/energy which doesnt align with whatever im doing and im focusing on being the star of my own show instead of trying to be a cameo in someone else's