life updates for anyone who cares

law of assumption.. who am i

honestly, the last thing i wanna do rn is write down this entry but ik that this is for my benefit  and so needs to be done.

recently ive been feeling much better about myself, angry at anybody who made me doubt myself, including my husband, but back nonetheless. the thing is, im not ava if im not confident in myself. its not in my element. ive always been confident; pimples or no pimples, shaved or not shaved, pretty or not pretty, friends or no friends. the self-belief never died, maybe it dwindled but now its back.

and im mad. im very very mad. not at others but at myself for letting them think for a second that they could change how i view myself.. but truth is, all they did was point out my own blindspots in terms of loving myself. they didnt "make" me insecure, my insecurities were just highlighted and ive worked on them. ive overcome my insecurities. i am not my body. i am not my face. i am not my business. i am ava. i am not a psychologist, or a wife, or a DIL or a daughter. i am a boss a$$ bombshell with a toned ass body and thick ass. thats it. and i love and live my life.

i eat whatever the hell i want and eat however much i want and it all goes to my a$$. i drink 3L of water everyday, i skip for 20 minutes everyday and my shin splints? dont have them. i am excelling at all of my classes. i handle the pressure really really well. my husband and i's business is thriving everyday, we're making $3000 PROFIT EVERY week and we're growing exponentially. we have enough money for the shipping container that we've always wanted and we're almost finished decking it out.

but most importantly i am so much more fulfilled, happy, content and full of life than ever before. i am so close to both my inlaws and my own family and me and my husband are closer than ever too. i trust him more than i ever have, and at the same time, ive trained myself to be ready for anything - ive practised the right amount of detachment from him.

i am my own person first and foremost before i am anything else

he knows that there is no one else in the WORLD who can understand him, and hes right. hes so obsessed with me, he kisses my pu**y without shame, no fragile masculinity here. he slaps my a$$ everytime that he sees it. he buys me things without me asking.

he does the chores around the house and tells me to relax. its all happening, its all coming together.

but most of all, I am amazed at how Allah has made this my life. Allah has given me so much to be grateful for, that no amount of thanks is enough.

i am so amazed at how much ive achieved so far and am going to achieve from here on out. that dream body is now a reality. the fat i thought i would never lose? is all gone. bc i take care of my body, i eat veggies, fruits, meat, yoghurt, milk and everything in between. i still enjoy my weekly cheetos without shame.

i love my body... not just when its "perfect" but also when its bloated, also when its soft, also when i cbb to exercise for a week and it starts to lose tone. i love my body so so much bc Allah has given it so many functions and it does it for me, with no effort spared. and i dont even know the amount of work it puts in to keep me alive and healthy but i will always be super grateful for it. Alhamdulilah i have functioning everything and may Allah forgive me if i ever ungrateful

I am so busy taking care of me and my mental health and now im glad my husband is off at work so i get the whole night time to myself. and i can do these grateful affirmations daily