life updates for anyone who cares

husband wants to start a business

so yeah, in shaa Allah my husband wants to start a cafe business soon but he always makes sure i know that its just under HIS name. and that does get to me. yesterday he suggested calling it "O's cafe" bc his name is usually spelt with an O instead of a U, and even though he consults me, at the end of it i dont feel like im part of the process.

i feel used for my advice and insight, not appreciated (only regarding business stuff) and idk how to tell him this. i dont want to have to ask him to make me his partner in business etc. but he should know. and if i do make such a big difference in his life, why cant he make a big difference in mine?

and im not saying i want all the spotlight on me and i want MY name on the cafe but at least smth neutral so that i dont feel left out. but ye idk. this other time he said "when i make a million dollars, ill remember you" as if to say he will discard me before then or get another wife or ill just be "there".

and that struck me like damn... i dont want to be "useful" i want to be a woman. he, his mum and his sister love reminding me of how "useful" i am.. like i have to be cheerful, and give good advice and just be useful for everyone otherwise what else is there to like?

what if i dont want to be useful? is that an option?

idk what he meant when he said that million dollar thing but yesterday when he suggested "O's cafe" it reminded me of it. and i forgot to journal that but also a very important data point. i just feel like im "there" when he says stuff like that.

like im just one of the rungs on the ladder to success for him and it doesnt feel good to feel used. idk his intentions and i wont assume them, but i dont think they're that different to what i am assuming: that fame/success will get to his head and he will forget how he got there in the first place, and its not gonna be nice for me to swallow that pill but there are no other meanings to "when i make a million dollars, ill remember you"

thats smth you say to someone who youre probably not gonna see again.

not your so-called companion that you claim is your soulmate.

we call that a freudian slip and i cant help but think about why he said that. and that makes me detach from the process when he does ask for my advice regarding business.

bc at the end of it, ik he'll take the credit, like everybody does. and although hes very caring, he can also be quite selfish and this is one of those things he wants just for himself. and tbh i can understand that, but if your wife is your partner BTS, why is she not your partner in front of everyone? (and im talking business partner) its not like im stupid and dont understand what that entails. will i have to revisit my business law unit? yes. will that revive everything a partner does? also yes

if i am so useful then..put me to use.