life updates for anyone who cares

will i ever get there?

everyone around me has a job, has money coming in and all im getting is rejected. and im so sick of it tbh. like really. today the orientation was cancelled and the guy thought i was part of the 'student placement' program and had entered his company thru there but i told him i had simply reached out to him on linkedin and was not aware of any such thing. long story short, the coward couldnt let me in bc it 'HAD' to be thru the uni. idk if this is bc of insurance issues or anything but like if youre treating your employees well why would you be so worried?

anyways cried alot after that, also bc i feel that my options are so limited bc of my outward appearance as a muslim female and on top of that my husband has to be extra about everything and stop me from working where a man exists - which frankly is very retarded bc you should know better than me that men are the main ones working and you cant just 'avoid' this stuff thruout your whole life.

anyway i told him all this but he didnt get me, he just said 'you should understand' but im sick of understanding. every idiot around me has a job why is it when you have acc skills that are not mcdonalds skills, you dont get employed. ik im not an idiot. im an amazing worker but i feel the field ive chosen is gonna make it a bit of a trek to find a job.

honestly tho, ik ill find an internship AND a job this year iA. and i cant wait.

i can feel it, honestly that ill have a paid or unpaid internship and definitely a good job that makes me more well-rounded. i honestly dont mind anything as long as it isnt admin assistant bc like .. come on.

but if i have to, i will, but its smth i simply dont prefer. 

i wish my husband would stand by me but he has so many complexes of his own that i dont even feel like sharing with him where my journey is at, until i get the job or whatever it is. i honestly dont know if im being tested or being told that there is a serious mental block that needs addressing - either way, im gonna keep it moving and not mope bc winners dont mope. they simply move on and apply to other jobs.

what i have learnt is that even tho i didnt get the internship, im very confident about what i have to offer and how i contacted him thru linkedin. almost 0 nerves when he called me. im a very good speaker tbh and i feel that i need to create a presence that is hard to ignore.