life updates for anyone who cares

i got mad.. and it worked.

so i followed the advice of psychocybernetics and got MAD at myself for thinking obsessively about the rishta. i told myself how much he disrespected me when he leaned back while i was talking to him.

im tired of everyone talking about  him and mentioning his name bc his mum is so famous. i just want it to STOP. i told everyone in my house today to stfu and never mention them again. like idgi, would they have  preferred i cry over a guy i only knew existed a month ago from when i met him? is it not better to move on, move forward? or does everyone like to keep everyone stuck in the mud. like idgi. it wasnt a rejection... but even if it  was, why would rub it in someone's face? at some point, it stops becoming a joke and starts becoming disrespectful.

i told my mum to never mention their names in front of me. im tryna focus here on my future on my goals, and theyre bringing this rishta up like there arent any guys left to marry? lol get outta here.

i was just super annoyed today, towards the end of the night when everyone thought i was "happy" bc they were thinking theres a guy in my life. i was happy today bc my  MADNESS and ANGER towards that disrespectful "rishta" made me stop thinking about him. whatever the author said in psychocybernetics worked and i was happy. i was happy for no reason, and in my opinion that is the best reason to be happy.

why should we search for reasons to be happy? so that our happiness can end when that thing ends? no. i reject that way of "living" thats not life. thats torture and suffering. i choose to be happy and for no reason ESPECIALLY. I encourage it.

as if i'd let a MAN make me smile the way i smiled today and laugh the way i laughed today. no. and im disappointed that my mum and my family thinks that the fact that im so internally happy.

anyways, despite the different ways of feelings i felt today, im not allowing it to dampen my spirit. i have so much preparation to do for my exams omgggg but  im not worried bc tbh ik ill be alright, ill perform well.

but alas, the show must go on. the good thing is despite the anger, i dont feel resentment towards anyone and thats always a good thing.

btw i realised why you cant feel "high vibrational" all the time... its bc  of regression to the mean.. ugh you know that im definitely studying for exams when i start using stats to describe my life but damn today was honestly amazing ALHAMDULILAHH