life updates for anyone who cares

venting about husband

so, ik i havent let on too much of my financial struggles here or the struggles of having a very indecisive husband - but both of these are my current 3D reality. my husband has not held a job longer than 2 months since we've been married. and he is always asking me for 'advice' to fix it or to know a direction but honestly? i dont want to anymore.

i really dont care to give any more advice. not bc i dont like giving advice but bc no amount of advice can save someone who is so selfish and doesnt even think about his future family. the moment i became pregnant, i have lost attraction to my husband like big-time bc he doesnt have any money and he uses mine and honestly i really didnt want to admit that on here but here it is. thats been my life for the past two years, my 'husband' being an absolute brokie and not even being ashamed to ask for money, idk if i will ever get it back tbh - the way hes struggling in life is horrendous. and im sick of trying to help someone who pretends that all they need is a little 'push' but the problem is within them,

this is what my sister is like too. she doesnt wanna change and neither does my husband. im rather getting quite frustrated at the situation and honestly idk what to do. the age-old advice of 'just leave him!!!" is so easy to say when somebody is your boyfriend but not when they are a husband and an upcoming dad. by no means am i saying i should stay in this relo bc im married, im not bypassing that at all.. but its not so straightforward.

im really running thin with my patience atm and i cant tell anyone, bc i have to keep the garment of the spouse etc and also bc i dont want people to think im accepting less than the bare minimum.. but the truth is.. i am. and i have to face that error of mine otherwise i will be in this position forever.

better to admit youre wrong and fixing it asap, rather than pretending youre not the problem.

i cant even tell you, bc im embarrassed to think this - but its the truth.. sometimes i really feel like i married a woman. bc my husband has no direction, lack of masculinity, and he loves to sell me dreams about big houses, and big travels etc when we both know its probably never gonna happen the way things are going. 

all this makes me respect him less and i do everything thats required of me, and more as a wife. im not supposed to be cooking and cleaning and yet i do - and im about to have a baby and ik ill be a good mum iA. ofc it will have its challenges... but ill do it.

my dad is a brokie and now my husband is a brokie. but when will this cycle end? am i the problem, and if so, how so? i dont have any clue as to how im playing a part in this but i probably am in some way. i will find out iA