life updates for anyone who cares

perth and reflection

i would say i flipped the script on my sister where now she seeks my approval, or sometimes she doesn't even do that - which confirms that she doesn't care.

she only cares about internet people. she doesn't care about her family.

and i noticed some parallels between her and my most problematic cousins; they DO NOT care about what their family has to say.

a**ba baji (A) was talking about a*ka baji's (B) selfish attitude and how she never took in the family's advice (it was her way or the highway) and my sister was just listening to this feeling sorry for A even tho she put our family in the same situation as B constantly does. she is so incredibly selfish, she didnt even put the mirror to herself while A was talking about how hurt B made her feel. sure, my sister doesnt scream or hit violently or hurt herself, but thats just part of the puzzle. the selfish nature, the 'no one cares about me'!!! which is not true i hate the fact that my dad is always trying to accommodate her in our decisions even tho she has not contributed even a little bit to our family.

B does 'her own thing' basically; shes stubborn af and doesnt take anyone's advice; is constantly looking for enablers. and surprise, surprise, my sister is the frkn same. so the only thing that really annoyed me apart from her shape-shifting in front of cousins is the fact that her selfishness and victim-hood doesnt allow her to see what she does to her family.

i had to detach myself from my sister just like A had to detach herself from B. and im sad that this has to happen but after seeing how free A looked in Perth, it makes me want to do it even faster.

you have to give people the space to be people; that doesnt mean you have to like them; but observe them and then make your decisions. and well, ive observed her as much as i could but shes just like B - trying to look for an escape from her current family as if we're the ones doing her dirty when she doesnt do much for the family's fabric anyway. its sad that the only people that should want you not to leave the house, are subconsciously trying to kick you out.

another thing that she always does is look down at me for getting arranged marriage proposals saying things like:

"oh you wouldnt know bc you only get whatsapp rishtas"

"oh ye i hate it when she gets those 30 year old rishtas like im so glad thats not me"

but i did let my barrier break a little bit bc my sister let this stupid  witch maria talk crap about me to her, not once, not twice but MULTIPLE times (this is what my sister told me) and she just casually mentioned "oh i told her that 'look im not gonna just let you talk about my sister like that'" like oh no wow look at this strong warrior, stopping people dead in their tracks from talking smack about her family, by CONTINUING the conversation without any threat of cutting her off.

the funny thing is; she thinks she can survive real family life.

like, the real crap

you know the family which she will create by pooping out babies. she thinks shes ready for that. when someone cant have gheerah over the family that they are just a part of, that they didnt even help make - how equipped are they really to start a family?

no answer.

and this bad habit shes gotten from A, who tells her friends everything about B. idc how annoying your siblings get; you DONT go blabbing about it to any and everyone. its such a crass and ghetto attitude to go about snitching on your family members bc you had a fight - like you'll probably get over it, but the other person? they'll remember that stuff and you need to keep gheerah over your family.

and im gonna stop defending her name. idk i just dont feel like loyalty is smth to be taught. like class is  smth to be taught. like telling someone 'hey i dont appreciate you laughing about the fact that dating is haram, even tho you believe the same thing but you wont come out with it, bc you are trying to please your cousin and then call yourself an 'observor' bc you acc cant stand up for what is right' is smth to tell them after all she does on twitter is talk about islam and how haram relos ARE HARAM.

the funniest thing about this whole situation? that she tagged maria, under my long thread about how friendship is about loyalty. rich, tagging someone underneath a thread that you dont even follow thru with bc youre too scared to cut low-value people out of your life. and i cant even h8 maria  bc she used MY SISTER as an outlet to hate ON ME. so who do i hate more?

this isnt the first time she has done this and i fear it is not the last time but im done giving her leverage. if she doesnt have a topic apart from my flaws, then she doesnt have a personality. ive stopped talking to her and i definitely feel so free. like i can do so much without her. and her sh*tty input. she'd always put me down anyways, so it wasnt a big loss.

thank god, im aligning with my truest self day-by-day and i feel so empowered.

i wont accept bs from anyone. not anymore. and especially not from my sister. idc that  shes next door,