life updates for anyone who cares

the road to hell is paved with good intentions

soooooooo i love my dad. Alhamdullilah, he is one of the best things that have happened to me.

He moved all the way from chaknorang to the west and I think thats amazing. the things he has sacrificed for his family is incredible and i honestly could not have asked for a better dad.

he understands where im coming from and doesnt demonise me like my siblings do.

but

but

but

BUT

my dad has been conned by so many people that it embarrasses me.

he supports his naivety by saying things like "better to be the victim than the abuser" which.. i get but like that's not how youre supposed to move thru life.

first it was his childhood friend of 22 years (which i used to blame him for but honestly my dad was being emotionally played) but basically the man who conned him took away everything from our family. like literally everything. our livelihood was FINISHED after that. completely gone. and i thought my dad would learn from it, but my dad just blindly trusts people.

giving people chances is the most dangerous game to be playing and honestly you have to trust someone even slightly to give them the first chance. you can't just keep giving chances for free, bc you wear yourself out. have some standards.

my dad comes from the mindset of 'everyone's different, give people their chances' but i dont really believe people are that different tbh. i trust people to be people. and that means they WILL disappoint, as a fact of life. so why shouldnt i be careful with who im sharing information with?

information is costly and always comes with a price. even information about  how old you are can be used against you. maybe its my paranoia, idk.

but to me, information is valuable and that means you have to work for it. except for the surface area stuff obvs, like my name, what i do and my credit card info.. everything else tho.. needs to be earned.

bc if you give people the trust that they haven't even TRIED to earn, why would you expect them to behave for it?

just like we don't value cheap/free things, why should we value information given for free/without any work?

that's why i blame my dad for getting conned the next half of his life.. and he continues to take pride in the fact that he blindly trusts - and this is where i have a problem with the whole 'benefit of the doubt' bc i feel like these same people that support their laziness and ineffectiveness of putting up a firewall system in their brain for what to filter say things like 'my heart is clean'

bruh your clean heart will NOT heal the world or save you from 50% of your problems.

bc it takes a level of reality and red pill to realise that the world is not colourful and dandy.

and my dad's been thru so much but he still gets played.. and it really pisses me off. bc i feel like ive had to learn that part of the world on my own and that is smth that i have against my dad. and ik for a fact its  bc hes gotten lazy and tired of the abuse and the heartache and the poverty and the constant struggle.. and honestly speaking he deadass just cant be  bothered putting up a system with which he lets people into his life.

and i realise that now about him and it makes me feel less angry. my dad is just tired. tired  of life, tired of people and just to end that loop of tire - he chooses to blindly trust rather than HATE another part of life - the people living in it.