life updates for anyone who cares

back from perth and overwhelmed

i came back from perth last night at 12am and it was too hectic for me to sit down and write this stuff but im here now, and trying my best to remember everything. well i want to talk about a situation that happened at the perth airport before anything, something i cant tell me husband bc he will get very mad and literally never let me out of the house. and anyways hes already warned me not to tell him stuff that involves other men bc it gets him heated -- so im really just following his advice.

i really did not want to come back to sydney, if im honest. i just wanted to see my husband and go on a trip away from australia but how when we wasted so much money on bali bc my passport was expired -.- anyways, i still had to do my assignments despite the situation and that pissed me off alot and will make me very mad once we receive the student surveys for the units. i will go all out in those. for now tho, i feel back in a slump if im honest but its also bc im giving shaytan too much power. 

so much happened idek if i wanna type it all out. but let me start from the most recent stuff:

-the airport: this random kuwaiti-arab man came up to me as i lined for some coffee and he was turning back and had already bought whatever he wanted and he asked me if one of the sandwiches was halal (to make conversation) and i said well, im not sure youre going to have to ask them. and then immediately he starts speaking in arabic and i tell him i dont speak arabic. and then he asks oh "where are you from?" and i say "pakistan" and then he says "full? bc you look like a mixture of several countries" to which i uncomfortably laugh. and then he says "mA youre very beautiful" and then i got very shy and my heart started beating faster, i say ty, and turn to leave but he keeps me there by asking me if i live in australia or im just visiting and i say i live in sydney and then he mentions how hes on vacation and he doesnt enjoy sydney's atmosphere much bc of the busy-ness etc. and i just agreed to get on with it and get my coffee. and then he asks "are you married?" and i was praising the lord that he asked me the question so i could finally leave and then i said "yes" with a big smile and he says "hes a very lucky man to have you" and i just nod uncomfortably yet again. and then he makes more small talk, i dont even remember about what and asks me again "are you sure youre married?" "cant you divorce" *laughs* and i looked at him, offended like wth is wrong with you why would you say that to someone. 

and then he says "you dont have a sister that looks like you?" and i said "no" and then he asks me for my number to which i decline and say "no" and didnt smile this time and he says "you cant have friends (ugh how typical)" and i said no and walked away even after we landed in sydney, he was somehow behind us and started whistling behind us and i got scared and went to the side to let him walk in front of us. but it was a very awkward experience. idk i obvs told my sister and she said werid things like "that would never happen to me" as if she was wishing that it would :L and i told her this and she said she genuinely meant it in that way, that she wasnt "conventionally attractive" enough for that to happen to her.. and i was like ok.

idk i will take this to the grave, i hope so, if my big ass mouth doesnt spill it first.

my husband was so horny last night that he did smth hes never done, sucked on my p*$$y and it was pure ecstasy, i cant even explain it, it was like poly-drugs being IV'd into my system, i shook for a few mins and then i was moaning for like an hour just remembering how his tongue felt on my lips and he sucked on it a few times too, even went inside with his tongue and it was so hot, i really didnt imagine it to be that amazing -- hes never gone down on me but i literally wanted to worship him after he did that. also hes starting to look so hot and sexy now allahuma barek. and i told him he cant do what he did to me to anyone else and he said "who else would i do it to?" 

and he told me that he was so horny that his animal came out and i just asked him what i had to do to make his animal side come out again and he just smirked, bc istg i have never felt like this. i felt so creative at night the whole night, while he was sleeping i was wide awake and just thinking about life. sex was so amazing its hard to put it in words but it was the tongue that got me. i dont want to ask him too many times to do it again but i really want to feel it again, i even drank cranberry juice for him to maybe do it again tonight

and then i woke up this morning so peaceful and calm and at home. i spent my daytime just thinking about death tbh. and how literally nothing MATTERS. like literally wth do we worry about? its so stupid!! literally all of life is so dumb, getting married, having kids and eating food all of it is dumb. all i wanna do is holiday and get away from everyone 

everything is stupid i just wanna do drugs. have heaps of sex and die.

but seriously, i felt very tested at the airport, and i really hope i passed the test, iA

moreover, we went carousel in perth and there was this VirtualArtVR that had the israa wa miraaj VR and it was so realistic and interesting to acc see what happened when the Prophet SAW went on the Buraaq (the horse) but what was more interesting was the guy who was marketing the whole setup, idek his name but hes from sydney originally and moved to perth in 2007 and is 27-28 now. i asked him what he does, but he said he didnt wanna embarrass himself in front of aunty (my mum) and so he didnt acc go to uni, but im sure he does smth.. surely hes not 27 and working in retail..? 

idk i dont believe that. so i wondered if he was married or no/looking or not  so i asked my cousin to go back and ask him if hes open to it for my sister. lets see how it goes, will keep it updated, i have a lot of belief that he might acc be a very good fit for our family! and i hope it goes well, and if it doesnt, thats ok too! Allah's plan over everything else