life updates for anyone who cares

im finally happy..

i realised  today how truly happy i am rn, at this very moment in time... 9th August, 2020, 11:34 pm I'm starting this entry with a grateful and gracious heart. i have the 528 hz frequency plugged in my ears and it feels like im floating in the sky.. with the nebulus air around me and nothing but peace and quiet and the stars and the moon surrounding around me.. and i finally feel at peace with myself again.

i dont feel any pressure. i feel like water. i feel like smiling. i dont feel like talking anymore. i feel like staying quiet and observing and am honestly tired of talking. i  feel like im coming back to myself again. i feel like ive missed out on so many social  cues bc of how much i talk and within the past week ive realised the importance of staying quiet and observing... just letting people be people.. letting them reveal themselves. its kinda hard to hear sometimes the things they say.. but all the more important to jot down.

for eg... if people are judging others based on looks.. ik theyre dong the same to me without exception.

anyway..  i realised today that when youre quiet and  you let people be people.. and talk about what interests them.. they're really uninteresting and boring and honestly? i'd rather stay quiet and save my energy for things that are more important. and when im always talking about stuff that im talking about,, i realise i dont "click" with many which is why this rishta has hit home and all the right places. bc ive found my people.

they just get me.. and i just get them. we're just ourselves with each other and it is the most beautiful feeling ever. honestly i dont even think i like the guy more than i like his family ... which is ALWAYS a good thing.

anyway im getting kinda sleepy bc of this 528 hz frequency thing but ahamdulilah i thank god everyday for making me come back to myself... about 3 LONG years of consistent prayer, crying and falling and picking myself up again. nothing in this world i would trade for this peace. literally nothing. i feel so relaxed, organically. i feel so at peace with who i am, what i believe in. im not threatened by anyone's strength, and i protect myself from others' insecurities and bad  vibes from getting onto me and its so refreshing. ive finally put myself first.

after years of trying.. im finally here.and i couldnt be more grateful.

ya rabb pls sustain this peaceful feeling and never take it away from me. ik im going to have to earn from stoicism and tao exercises to detach from attachments .. but for the moment.. im going to enjoy this feeling for as long as i can.