life updates for anyone who cares

ABUNDANCE MINDSET!!!

IM SO GLAD THAT THIS SH*T DIDN'T AFFECT ME IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!! YASSSSSS, THIS IS REAL PROGRESS!! THIS IS HOW PROGRESS IS MEASURED!!! WHEN YOU GO THRU SMTH "CHALLENGING" NOT WHEN YOURE HAVING EASY TIMES.!!! AND IM GLAD I PASSED AND SURPASSED AND EXCELLED.

LITERALLY TRYYYY MEEEE

VALIDATION FROM MEN?

PSHHHHH

WTH

UGHHH IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD!!! I AINT TRIPPIN' over nobody!!!

especially if they aint trippin over me... and he was great but he was a step up and there is another step left and i will find the one im meant to be with, who understands basic things like living separately (preferably a granny flat behind his parents' house) bc its boring living alone with a man with no entertainment :L but thye should have a big family too that i easily mesh with

i have a feeling tho that his family and my family is gonna hang out a lot more for some weird reason. i keep getting this random  daydream where both our families are on a picnic and we're hanging out ; all the siblings and it feels so natural.. it kind of feels like im having a flashback and not a daydream. anyway.. and then we kind of keep meeting and he starts falling for me, but ive completely blocked him off bc nah. and then he takes me out for coffee under the guise of smth "professional" (not sure why) and then we drink quietly discussing banal things and then when the waiter comes for the bill.. i ask her to split it. but then he says "why, theres no need for that. i got it" and then i whisper to her to split it..

and while she goes back and splits the bill, he asks me why im not allowing him to pay, to which i say.. "it was different then." and just smile sweetly. the moment the bill comes, i pay  it and say salams and move on with my day. he gets mad but tries not to show it. and that was the end of that daydream,

in most of my daydreams, hes looking at my mouth (he did this on both dates, he likes my lips for some reason) and so in my daydreams, hes not even listening to me talk, hes just looking at my lips when im talking and laughing with his sisters. we dont talk much during my daydreams, but i catch him staring offguard ALOT to which i start to revel in it and start to be a bit more stoic and aloof to his presence... which draws him in more.

im the topic of conversation in his house, so even when i leave, im there. we politely say salams etc but thats about it. in another daydream.. we're driving somewhere, kind of like a roadtrip. me and my sister are sitting at the back and the three sister at the front, he's driving and his brother is on the passenger seat. we're just talking about random stuff, as girls do. but i catch him staring quite a few times thru the rear mirror and smiling. i catch his eye once or twice and seductively smile back.. to which he gets kinda shy but recovers quickly.

ik its my ego closing the chapter for me,, which is why i let the daydreams wander as long as they do.. for closure etc. and its also my ego's way of dealing with the fact that it didnt work out. infact my mum and brother even said that they think hes gonna change his mind.. and i agree. but its gonna be too late then and i cant wait to tell him "no <3"

anyways, my family is literally worried about how im reacting bc i was so happy in the morning.. my mum's like "why are so happy" in a joking manner, but like i got my 8 hours of sleep why wouldnt i be happy

anyways and then my dad asked me to come to him and he kissed me on the cheek. i think they think im faking the happiness to hide the "pain' but i genuinely couldnt give a sh*t lol.

im not even fazed.. i watched bad moms last night and honestly its such a good movie. anyways, ye everyone is tryna box me in along with their scarcity mindset but my abundance mindset said no <3.

bc consider it... there are 3 BILLION men in the world... youve gotta be kidding me if you think im gonna simp over 1. like nahhhh. anyways.. they really dont wanna see you unbothered and happy regardless of the situation. abundance mindset doesnt mean everything is gonna owrk out for you. what it does mean is that, even if it doesnt, ik and trust that there is enough abundance in the world that it will.

there are men in the world who have good quran recitation, there are providers, there are protective/possessive men. and ive attracted this rishta, and that is an accomplishment.

the world is a reflection of who you are as a person. and now i can take this lesson and grow  from it. he showed me who NOT to go for: mommy boys. and thats all i needed to know.

also.. he didnt wanna get married, his mum made that obvious when she said "a** b*** said leave me for the time being and focus on my brother and sister" that shows you he was only 'getting married' bc of his mum. which explains alot of his non-chalant answers regarding raising children and cleaning the house as well as living with his mum, so that i would collaborate with her to raise kids instead of him. he kinda just wants to bring someone home so his mum can stop annoying him. anywho. gl to him. he has a lot of growing up to do. but im glad that i didnt simp and fall for him bc shieeeet that wouldve been another story.

moral of the story: no emotions until there is a ring and a nikah contract.