life updates for anyone who cares

what even is the point of being attractive?

so yesterday i was feeling myself a lot alhamdulilah and decided to dress up, do make up and send my husband dancing videos and so i did.

but after i was done, and sat with myself and realised how futile everything that revolves around our outside appearance is.

like i sat there just feeling like i wasted my time when i couldve smth productive. but then i told myself i need to start feeling myself more even tho chasing this stuff is stupid and a waste of time and is a vain pursuit.

like how different is my life going to be after a little bit of chub is lost? how different am i gonna feel? why dont i change the way i feel about myself now?

why do i delay my happiness for a "result" that isnt even going to change how i feel in anyway?

i came across the law of assumption lately and i think its way better than law of attraction bc loa is so wish washy even tho law of assumption teaches pretty similar things in terms of being in the FEELING of your results instead of the THOUGHT.

during my psychology degree ive learnt that the power of feeling is more powerful than thought bc humans are emotional creatures and while emotions can lead to powerful thoughts, thoughts do not always lead to powerful emotions.

i came across this woman named sumeet smth and shes an indian fitness influencer and shes the definition of slim THIQQ.  ive been scrolling thru her page and whatever she has is very much achievable for me, especially bc shes indian and we have similar genetics and to see her at that peak of her body makes me feel calmer

i know this bc i am the IT girl. even my husband confirms it (not that it matters... but lets be honest, it does)

i am the package; i am smart, i am sexy, i am pretty, i know my religion, ik whats worth it and what isnt and ik what i want. and ik these things to be facts.

but regardless of me wanting to be fit and taking care of my body, i shouldnt let this be a vain pursuit. i should love my body no matter what stage its in. bc one day im gonna have babies iA, and im gonna have evidence of it on my body and i cant hate my body when that happens and have to love myself regardless no matter how hard it is.

writing this here was necessary and coming back to this is also just as necessary. whats the point of taking all this time to get ready and look pretty only to be compared to somebody else? is it worth it?

does that mean i dont put any effort in my appearance? no it doesnt bc these are the years to enjoy it... and theres no end to it. im excited to see myself in different phases of life bc each stage will have its perks and its hotness .. at that point i dont even think i will care about it like i do now.

i really am growing, alhamdulilah.

i made dua to Allah to make me less fragile and take things less personally from my husband or anyone... just bc youre  in a relo doesnt mean you cant make time for myself and reach conclusions.

another thing i realised is that im my own type of sexy... whatever that is and just bc its not "out there" sexy doesnt mean it doesnt have its appeal. i still think im sexy. im sexy when im covered and thats more dangerous.

i dont want to fall into comparison bc that would be silly but more than anything, i want Jannah more than this world and that is what is important. and my actions should reflect it.