life updates for anyone who cares

how to deal with a jealous person

so ever since ive realised my sister is jealous  of me, and as you may remember in the first chapter of this trilogy i mentioned to her how everyone likes her but the moment someone else likes me - she wants to leverage it against me like 'jUsT bC aN aUnTy lIkeS  YoU, yOu wAnT To gO tO thE pIcNIc'

and i felt like i had been ignoring the signs for too long. you know i always told her the opposite of what her insecure self would spontaneously say, bc ik shes always looking for attention and pity.

shes always saying stuff like 'im so ugly, why do y'all like me'

and

'im so skinny  ugh, im flat'

but i wish it stopped there but nope

she called me ugly too

she calls me fat too

everytime im feeling myself, shes like "okay calm down"

like f u b*tch i dont need your frkn permission to do anything

i dont see  her asking me for permission to be a sh*thead so she can get stuffed ngl

so thats how ik shes more jealous of me than i am of her

im not fat and i am definitely not ugly.

shes not ugly either but she just wants validation - shes looking for it on curiouscat and defs on twitter. i  hope she finds what shes looking for outside, inside herself. but until then ima steer clear.

there needs to be a line drawn for me not to get roped back into her self-loathing sh*t bc i let her get away with it bc i didnt want to agree with her (or make her even more jealous of me than she  is). im realising as i type this that she is literally the silent bully that gets into your head thru her own insecurities. she tells me off about liking black culture; the wigs, the rap, the slang. and basically everything she picks on me for. and i kept letting it go and then without realising, it got to my head and it just became so bad that i started believing it.

so i need there to be a line where i dont wholly agree with her insecure thoughts (bc she do be looking flat tho) as to avoid jealousy from her and also where i dont validate her so much that she feels like she has an upper hand on me.

so ive decided to not start conversations until she does. im just gonna reply but im not gonna start them anymore. i dont have the energy for her sly looks.

her jealousy is also fuelled by the fact that only online people really admire her, whereas im more sociable than her, more likeable (bc i interact and i dont sit there on twitter talking to people im never gonna meet). and lets not forget the long list of admirers that i have: kausar, hamza, subhi, ammaar, umar (internet) and little cute crushes: yusuf, bilal, mohsin, aqil, smokey (from internet) and more to come why? bc im frkn cleopatra.

this is also why she wants us to be 'tWo dIFfErEnt eNtItIeS' bc she knows ill overshadow her.

no one can resist my charm, not even my sister but bc its too strong she really has to hate on it.

i feel sorry for her. but good that she realises the power i hold. im not gonna flaunt it bc i dont want evil eye on me and i will just look like a braggart - i'd rather take this win gracefully and on the  chin bc its  not cute to be like "look im cooler than you blah blah' they already know that.

im just gonna laugh at her insults and take it on the chin - bc it comes from a place of jealousy and insecurity. why should i dull myself just bc my sister doesnt have any real goals or any aspiration in life except pining after a dead lead looking stupid as hell. i aint gonna save her from herself.