life updates for anyone who cares

felt more like myself today - progress

so i had a dawat tonight and i deliberately tried to practise more active listening and got an intp talking for most of the time. this was the first time i had ever met her and i could tell she was indulging herself for most of the time. obviously it wasn't just us two but it was interesting to see how i still felt like myself whilst active listening. i tried to be more aware of when i was about to talk out of anxiety and i repressed it and stayed quiet and present instead.

i felt it rising a lot of the time and honestly i didnt know i was such an anxious talker until now. but its time to tone it down. and i learned that most of the "talking" i do is just anxious babbling and bc i controlled myself today, i felt better about myself. bc i only spoke when i had smth fruitful to add to the conversation and usually other people filled in the silence. and every single time that awkward silence arose, i forced myself to stay in it and revel in it. to enjoy it. to experience it fully. and the intp girl usually broke the silence

i think im just noticing how ive neglected my babbling as being excitement.. when really its insecurity. so coming to that realisation has kind of been eye-opening. it was very hard for me to bite my tongue, but i did it. and i received the results that i wanted - i was charismatic and gained a new acquaintance, bc of my active listening skills as well as good engagement and rapport.

now i have to work on being more mysterious and that means MORE shutting up and listening instead of trying to get your word  in.

sidenote: i just did the myer briggs test and received Protagonist (ENFJ)... so im LITERALLY the main character