life updates for anyone who cares

im feeling 22...

which means it has officially been two years of me having this journal and updating it as frequently as i can without making it a chore.

my birthday was great, all of us incl my family and in-laws went out for mandi and then i got a red velvet cake too. dad gave me this cute-ass card , i will write down what it says when im bothered. but yeah alhamdulilah it was a very good day.

i just feel so empty and jaded these days, and bc of this feeling i literally get cant myself out of bed. i think part of the reason i feel like this is bc we've missed so many fajrs this past month, its crazy. i want to wake up for tahajjud before i get my period in a few  days so iA, wish me luck!!

that means i gotta sleep on time and really truly make the intention. moreover, i realised all my undergrad units are over which means ... its my honours year but im only 10 bloody marks off meeting the criteria. tbh ive already cried about it but then i realised theres so many options out there and my current uni hasnt given me enough practical experience anyway, so i might as well go somewhere else with better career prospects. from what ik, my uni is better with research than hands-on psych training... which is not my cup of tea. 

so ive already cried about it, but now that i think about it. its really not the end of the world. ive realised i usually always feel pretty dead this time of year anyway, mostly bc i recognise im getting older and i dont like it necessarily but honestly alhamdulilah im ageing well and very maturely. i wish i could find a relevant job inmy field so i could reignite that fire in me.

but tbh, i dont wanna do anything at all. its like the desire has been sucked out of me, and its not fun bc all they do at uni is theory. i was talking to a girl who does speech pathology.. and shes literally working with PATIENTS. like she has stroke patients and dementia patients and all i have is book knowledge. so really, its time to start applyign this knowledge, and i really gotta put myself out there for that to happen.

iA, ill find smth. for now im gonna do some tafseer