life updates for anyone who cares

what does it mean when people call me 'intimidating'

im finally off twitter for GOOD this time bc honestly its not productive or helpful. it doesnt help me in any way at all and just drags my energy and time. so ive decided never to go back and honestly i dont even feel like going back and thats what makes it so liberating. its like ive totally forgotten how i was on twitter, what i posted, who i interacted with. like im truly  shedding my skin.. and honestly i needed to be on it for these past three months to reach this conclusion and im good with it.

you know, our podcast has started and i have bigger projects to focus on.. such as intro music for my podcast and even light background music. idk im still weighing up the options but i feel that i need to find the perfect 'vibe' for it first before i dive into it. so my life is taking on bigger forms. im not gonna lie, my manifestation energy has felt off for the past two weeks... but not to fret, bc i am back alhamduillah. 

but before i left twitter, i was told i was 'scary' and 'intimidating'.

and this is not the first time ive gotten this, as you can imagine. the first time i got this was in year 9/10 - when i was myself and when they didnt have too many internet articles on the topic (i remember searching it up)

but now i have a little more to work from: firstly, whenever i ask these scaredy cat individuals to explain how i intimidate them... suddenly all the nice things start rolling off their tongue:

"oh you know how to stand up for your opinions"

"oh youre smart" ?????

"oh youre a very interesting person"

"youre discerning"

"you can tell right from wrong"

literally none of these are bad things btw... but somehow every dummb person on the planet who doesnt have even the guts of a fish thinks that me, a meek woman who still cant do 40kg deadlifts, is intimidating.

frick off bro. youre just b*tches.

thats really it.

ive talked to people as smart and confident as me and ive never gotten those comments; its always the ones beneath you who have the most to say *sigh*

i was thinking about this for a few days and im thinking of writing a book on how power is so misconstrued. its not all bliss having power and feelings - youre 'overpowering' even without meaning to be. i feel like all the burden of change is put on the smart and clever and powerful but never on the weak the meek and the losers, who need it the most. dont the losers ever wonder how the powerful became powerful? don't they envy that power in such a way that they are willing to change their ways for it?? or are losers losers bc of the exact reason that they want not the power nor the fame or money but they simply want to level the playing field by bringing down the greats? this is not discussed enough bc 98% of people are really just losers and no amount of self-help will get them out of the rut that is their daily life and i feel bad for them to not amount to anything except a half-assed job, some basic settled-down family and unhappy and sexless marriage, not working for smth bigger than themselves.

HARD PASS

i really would rather be an asshole than a loser.

truth is, im neither but the losers' perspective is always gonna be tainted with that and im tired of arguing with them.

but i want to make a book about this bc i find it quite interesting how capitalism is hated on not for legitimate reasons but for entitled ones: "why should i pay charity when billionaires exist?" and basic money-hating tendencies that acc are very unappealing and loser-like.

even if i write a tiny book, i just want to make this a reality, and do my own research.

my frustrations:

1. are billionaires the problem or is your loser mindset - or the more probable concept both are at fault for aiding the capitalism system that apparently everyone hates?

2. why hate on someone for earning when youre making zero dollars when that happens?

3. why do you constantly build people up just to break them down? remember we're paying jeff bezos and mark zuckerberg when we sign up for amazon and facebook and sell our info which btw we do in the T&Cs)

4. why are powerful people the problem when your loser-ness allows them the power they have

5. why are you mad that powerful people exist?

6. why do you think power comes without any effort/work?

7. why do you think people better than you are 'just born with it'?  do you think everyone is a loser just like you and cant spend effort to improve themselves?