life updates for anyone who cares

feeling sick (possibly covid) and wasting time

basically the title. bruhhh, if the last few days amounted to anything, it wouldnt be anything i would be proud of. but its new years!!!! and so i have that bit of motivation to change. bc truly, only i can pull myself out of this rut, and this rut is not smth im not familiar with, unfortunately but these ruts need to happen to remind us of why we do things.

yesterday we went to my SIL's house and we watched encanto and the fireworks, going back and forth inside as her neighbours started and then stopped the fireworks, fearing the cops. but it was a fun night-in bc we're all pretty sick with this flu/covid, whatever it may be, i made nutella brownies and served it with ice cream. it was so fun bc it was all of us just enjoying this "kids'" movie.

and then we came back to our place, trying to catch the fireworks up close and it was so cool, bc i was so close to them and i was with my husband enjoying the beeps of the people in cars on the roads, after being stuck in this covid-induced house arrest. it was beautiful bc everyone was beeping and it was so wholesome to see everyone so excited for the new year, it got me excited as well.

if i wasnt sick, i'd be able to enjoy it more. but wallah all this makes me realise is that thank god i dont have any type of chronic illness, bc anything even poverty is better than being sick. Alhamdulilah for health. Alhamdulilah for wealth.

i started bingeing on this drama called parizaad and its so wholesome and good drama, ive cried a few times already. 

i wanna REALLY focus on my career this year, honest to god, ive been lazy. i cant be blaming the world and my "fate" when i know i havent tried at all to make a difference in where im at. im smart, im capable, im young and i can do anything i put my mind to. only if i put my mind to it tho.

so yeah, i cant be jumping to over-generalisations like "ill never get a job" etc bc i havent put in an honest amount of effort for me to be talking like that. but iA, from now i will. i need to focus on my career goals, im 22 and not getting any younger. yes, this year was full of unexpected changes, but now im a good housewife, im a good cook, and i got two distinctions this semester whilst working on our food business. so i can do this. ive done bigger things this year, that i was honestly so intimidated by. so anything that psychology has to throw at me, shouldbe doable.