life updates for anyone who cares

jealous sister?

so yesterday smth strange happened. the green envy dripped from my half-sister's text messages as she said smth like 'youre only going there bc one of the aunties like you"

LOOOL WHAT

first of all thats a stupid reason, bc every aunty likes me.

and i tried not to be petty but how could i not be? who is that obviously green with envy?

and then i say "so? she likes you too" and then shes like "she likes you more who you fooling, she only likes me to not make me feel bad" (wow thank god she has enough social intelligence to understand when someone isn't head over heels for her)

and then i say "what has this turned to"

her: "yaar i dont mind lmao" (firstly, why would you think i cARED if you minded? you think i give a single flying sh*t if youre jealous bc some aunty has  some sense so she likes me more than you - and that III would mIND that??? idc about you get over yourself)

me: "everyone likes you more but you get jealous if some aunty likes me more"

her: "sIs iM NoT jEaLoUs" (Yeeeee ok) "just stating facts"

me: "didnt sound salty at all"

her: "bc you said aunties get along with you so i thought thats why youre going"

me: "what are you on?, weirdo"

her: "yaar youre still on that?"

me: "ye bc youre weird thats why. thats such a weird reason to come up with"

her: "omgggg iT WaS A jOKe"

me: "no it wasnt but im letting this stupid convo go"

and that triggered an old perhaps repressed memory in me where i remember my half-sister feelings hatred/envy towards me. i always have felt it, its this underlying emotion. and when she said that - it kinda jumped out and now im more careful.

its the reason that she doesnt support any of my ideas unless SHES involved (podcast, tiktok)

bc she wants all the spotlight without doing any of the work.

truth is, i dont find pleasure in the fact that shes jealous of me bc that is EVIL EYE. which can change the course of your life. and why would i want to live with someone whos secretly jealous of me?

that gave me more the reason to stop telling her stuff. its like the more i sit back and observe, the more shitty she becomes. maybe this is what i needed to see. you know shut up for a while and let the inner beast show itself. and it did.

and this was the most confronting things that ive seen - im kinda wondering what else she has in store for me. A tissue paper has more dimensions than her. deadass

biggest 2D personality eVER.

i thought i was jealous of her - the fact that she has this tribe of people that she lies to daily online and gets attention and (love) from but i guess hers runs deeper. and all of those people around her are still not enough. bc she is just hollow inside. and the worst part is she doesnt even realise it.

she has all these twitter friends, all these irl friends but she gets jealous when one aunty likes me more than her?

sheeeeeeeeeeeittt

looking like a whole bag of insecurity and unhealed trauma.

idek what to think about her. but ive learned to stay quiet now. i try my  best not to bring up twitter in front of her - that way we will never relate on anything = we wont talk.

which is a good solution.

i see her tryna talk to me and tell me stuff but im so over her sh*t deadass, IDC.

and im so happy that i dont bc it took a while for me to get here.

and also the added benefit is that i dont have to work that hard to get info out of her. so i save time and energy as well as gain important intel into how sh*tty she really is - which just helps my case of staying quiet even more.

so really its a  win-win. she thinks i love her like i always have, truth is theres nothing to love there. and ik who she truly is and am tarting to really distance myself.

we live in abundance in this house and if someone is not grateful for the people in their lives and think that 'stealing' people from you is the only way they'll  feel whole, then ion want that. and really, shes just USING those people to feel better.

but ive always had the ability to have more friends. every single time i have more friends - am i competing? maybe. but im just rying to show my comparison

i see her competing with me when our cousins send us pictures of our niece and she goes  'oh look they send me this video of aisha, did you get it' and most times i havent checked my phone and she gets happy when i shake my head no.

then when my dumbass 'friend' afra goes to her to beg for sympathy, she tells me and waits for me to react in some way.

then when another 'friend' tells her what she got for her atar, she reacts in a certain way (altho i can understand this one)

but its all starting to make sense

im jealous of my sister and shes jealous of me.

HOWEVER i will not be jealous of her anymore.

shes in her lane, however stupid it may be. and im in MINE and our paths are different and always will be. and im ok with that