life updates for anyone who cares

im turning 21!!!

73 published parts later and im almost 21.. in 9 days. i literally cant believe how i feel rn. i feel like snake shedding its skin. yesterday i heard someone say that we are different people every 7 years. so when i was 7.. when i was 14... and when im 21 in shaa Allah.

im so excited! ive never been so excited for my birthday.. since i turned 15... that was 6 years ago. im also feeling some type of accomplishment that ive tried to stay consistent with these diary entries. yeah i didnt make one everyday.. but 72 entries is still enough to measure progress and i aim to keep going in shaa Allah.

but rn, i feel so fresh!! and new!! also bc i cleaned my feet, almost all of the dead skin is gone bc i used this chiropody sponge that does wonders that the pumice stone could never.

i LITERALLY aim shedding skin like a snake. its amazing how physical changes can bring internal changes. i literally am crying rn bc i feel so anew and i really feel ready, inspired and ambitious and this is how i want to feel everyday. i feel like im ready to turn 21 and ive NEVER felt like that in my entire life. ive never felt ready to reach a certain age but the amount of growth ive done in the past 3 years was worth the depression, the crying, the experiences. to be The Great you have to go through great things. the confusion. the self-doubt. the route changes. the "youre crazy" and the "how are you going to do it?" im nowhere near where i want to be but the difference is... i started.

and thats more than what ive been taught in my life from childhood. also i listened to a robert greene interview and was reminded that the greatest thing to develop during your 20s is your ability to read people's minds bc that is the ultimate power. and i KNOW i have this power bc ive harnessed it so many times. but my ego interrupts my process and asks me "what about you?" which makes me TAKE TAKE TAKE instead of trying to understand the other person and their situation.

not only can you get over situations quicker but you get what you want that you wouldnt have gotten thru people's barriers being up and the world opens up and the opportunities. when people know that youve TRULY understood them and not just the cognitive understanding "i understand" typical statements.. (bc it gets boring and dumb)

so this skill i can harness everyday at my crisis support centre. this way i can work on being a "dark empath" but ye i feel SUPER ENLIGHTENED RN.

OMG WOW I DONT WANNA SLEEP EEEEEEEK

and the fact that this feeling was self-generated is even better!!

but ye i love this pinnacle sex appeal that im feeling rn. i feel so sexy, unstoppable and ambitious and like i can DO ANYTHING.

Im definitely gonna work from my dark emotions of anger, frustration and come up with a blog to synchronise my thoughts and then maybe even start a youtube channel

i FEEL SO SEXY RN I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN IT.  SO CONFIDENT. SO HOT. SO "NO  ONE CAN FRKN DO ANYTHING TO ME OR FOR ME" i feel so powerful. like wow.

sex appeal is amazing and i dont even think this is 100% of my sex appeal rn i could definitely amp it up but my mental blockage is worried about people's judgments but ayo... people are literally useless.. and their opinions even more so. im not gonna be remembered after i die. so i might as well do whatever i want