life updates for anyone who cares

ive got a hot head from all the thinking

okay so you know how i am with ideas and philosophies. recently, ive been on reddit for quite a few days now and my worldview has been absolutely shifted or maybe rattled and i feel like i have no ground to stand on. so im here so i can sound out my ideas, no matter how incoherent they may sound.

okay so ik that women are more powerful bc we are able to turn into a masculine monster or a feminine beauty at any  time of the day. its  not that simple for men

i also highly believe in gender roles and the fact that the man is the head of the household and the woman is the mother and a big support system for her husband. BUT

idk why redpillwomen on reddit permanently banned me from their sub for saying that "men have one job (to provide) and somehow they're always looking for excuses not to do it." the post that i was replying to had remnants of feminist culture in it i.e. "oh i want to help out with the money" etc etc..

upon debating with the mods, i was told i "dont understand men yet and shouldnt be allowed to comment" ... even tho the man being the provider is a very RP concept. this threw me into a fury and quite frankly, a rage. i started debating back and forth about how mgtow males were allowed to comment but actual RPW were not... and the stupid b*tchy mod goes "tHiS iSnT aBoUt YOu" like wtf???? anyway, i hope she has a terrible week ahead of her.

i suddenly felt myself become enraged with men today and this has started to happen quite frequently. the more i think about relationships the more i wanna cut men's d*cks off, i want to emasculate them, i want to enslave them the same way they enslave us, i want them to worship us. this is all my shadow side, ofc. but how can i integrate this?

i dont WANT to feel like hating men, i dont. at times i think they are the most gracious and beautiful and handsome creatures put on the planet and they deserve so much love and kisses and hugs (and lots of bjs) especially the good ones that provide without complaint, they deserve EVERY GOOD THING IN THE WORLD... but many times i want to gauge their eyes out until they keep begging me to stop and im laughing maniacally in these fantasies and i just want to bring them to their knees. BEGGING.

see. the thing i CANNOT stand is when RP men or, any man, complains about his basic requirement: providing. i fkn hate that sh*t. everytime i hear a "man" whine about it, i dont see a man. i see a little b*tch who cant take the heat. and who i, or any woman, cannot trust with her youth or her womb.

i equate whining with female weakness. idont see it as empathic. and i DONT feel sorry for you. maybe i would feel sorry for men if they didnt want to mention their ONLY requirement as if it was a burden (even tho, ik that it is, being a leader isnt easy) but complaining about it? not BDE at all. infact im as dry as a desert and i want out.

and i GET IT. WE ALL GET IT. its hard. life's tough. nobody gets out alive. but complaining as if God didnt give you rights over us, and as if those rights dont come with their responsibilities? i would understand the complaining if i was a feminazi etc. but as an RPW, i expect better from men. and that doesnt just mean financially. it means emotionally. is that sh*t tough? fosure.

but i want to feel naturally empathic towards that situation and I DONT want it forced upon me by RPW or RPmen bc i understand. but dont push my limits.

bc while i can appreciate the struggle, i DONT appreciate the whining. ik that its hard for men bc they HAVE to work and its not conditional for them. and they dont acc get to decide if they like their jobs or not, bc they HAVE to do them. and this means many a time, that they might miss out on what they ACTUALLY want to do. and that takes a toll on a person and makes them hate life and hate themselves.