life updates for anyone who cares

i need a break

i just need a break from my husband and this house and luckily this week he'll be in an airbnb with his friends and im gonna go to my parents for two nights ALONE without him and im excited to get a break.

its not me trying to be mean, i just dont enjoy being suffocated and not being able to tell what my thoughts are and what are his. i dont enjoy being so codependent that i cant tell which are my emotions and which are his and getting away from him will help me balance this out.

idk if its bad but im starting to really celebrate the times hes out of the house bc i get time to breathe and just not do anything and be okay with it. not like i have to act hes around but its still a relief when hes not there bc i just relax.

i dont have to force anything. i dont have to tell anyone i love them for no reason.

ik it hurt him when i said i cant wait to have a sleepover but it had to be said. he needs to understand that we both need to give each other space to be ourselves and just to be other people when neither of us are around.

ik what im feeling is quite normal after a month of being overwhelmed  with just one person's attention and their schedule especially when they're as moody as my husband. one second he wants to do one thing, the next second he changes his mind and wants me to just go with it.

whether that be his doubts or his plans for the day, im not a robot that can change on command. and thats not a fair expectation to put on someone.

anyways, i have to call my parents now and do my graduate diploma for relationship counselling!!!