life updates for anyone who cares

baddie

so ik my natural aura is that of a self-assured BADDIE but rn im not feeling it. i think its bc  im very stressed bc of stupid univative - honestly i feel like dropping out. even if we dont win, im doing it for the video-editing skills tbh and its not like theres any consequences so i really shouldnt be 'worried'. i need to take it easy bc nothing will really happen if we dont win, so take it easy.

but what I HATE about insecurity is that im literally worried about idiots??? like theres this mutual on tiktok who i can PHYSICALLY feel hate me ... (r*****l_m******s) btw theyre literally liberal idk why they call themselves ~radical~ theyre literally lame

not even interesting and your typical identity politics-obsessed canadians/americaans same thing.

but the point is... why do i care about what they think?

they dont like my stuff and i dont like theirs so is it even worth trying to gain their approval.. what is that even going to get me?

i dont like ~sweet~ people anyway.. so frkn fake and disgusting. wheres the edge?

i like sweet people with an edge, like m*znah in my life.. shes kinda sweet but shes got a shadow self that sometimes peeks thru. even tho she hasnt really integrated it well into her self but shes doing  much better than others.

but its like ew im embarrassed that i feel the need to impress these losers bc thats what they are: they promote sl*ts and disprove sl*tshaming like literally pick mes to the PC culture but anyways im just embarrassed at my choice.

and now that ive written it out and embarrassed myself i can move forward lol. im only human but i defs only feel the pressure bc they're more popular than me, not bc theyre actually people i value ...

another thing i was harshly reminded of is that my sister dont give a shit about me but idk why im surprised... like she didnt wanna involve herself with me and this rishta but anyway im acc not surprised.

im just annoyed that i was surprised