life updates for anyone who cares

rishta #2?

still processing rishta #1 and now i got rishta #2... thru rishta #1's mum. shoot me.

i feel like my life is a movie atm like no way this stuff acc happens to people.

so idk if i told you this but rishta #1's mum is super social and obviously knows rishta #2 and asked about me to which she told her that "ava (me) was asking for a granny flat" and that the advice that he received from his dad was  that if two disabled people are in the house and someone "fell" then who would help? and thats a fair point but then why act like it wasnt her son who offered it in the first place?

i just dont appreciate being painted like a criminal for choosing an option that was GIVEN to me. like how would i have known that they would have a  granny flat??? like it would just be waiting for me there??? like huh?? clearly i said it bc your son offered it as an option.

but anyways, the rishta #2's aunty understood and came to us from that perspective (big respect to her btw) and she came to us for her youngest son's rishta and mentioned that they have a big enough house to house another person but also can build a granny flat.

my mum told her that that is exactly what rishta #1's mum said but she couldnt deliver and posed me as a criminal for saying i want a granny flat.

thing is, i cant even get mad at rishta #1 bc truly, i understand. hes not ready to "build" a family bc he already has a family he has to take care of, his mum. bc his sisters aint sh*t tbh. especially the 30 year old, its acc quite embarrassing.

im embarrassed to say i know her. or even liked her. idk maybe im being too judgmental. anyway but i can be sympathetic towards him without wanting that life for me. and ik my dad probably thinks im being "selfish" for watching out for myself. i would probably agree if my plans werent to become a FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST and a RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR who helps other people all day and just wants to come home to a peaceful environment with no extra fuss. is that me being "selfish"? i guess im selfish.

i just dont want to have ANOTHER person who is quite literally physically dependent on me. maybe if i was a house-wife or someone who didnt have such a taxing job title, i would accept that judgment. but tbh what have humans got if not their sanity?

absolutely nothing.

anyway, rishta #2 is quite an ambitious and attractive person ma shaa Allah but ive deliberately held the reigns of daydreaming to take over. i can feel it and i feel stronger everytime i hush my ego and my desires.

bc i dont want to repeat what  happened with rishta #1. i created this whole story in my head about how great he was etc etc and SIKE he didnt even act like a person who wanted to get married. so ye i just dont want that to repeat, or any other thing to take over the primary source impression which is... the guy himself.

and attachment to the outcome is smth we're trying not to do here. i just want good vibes and good goodbyes, no salty sh*t. we too grown for that.

so if it works out, great. if it doesnt, great.

after all, this whole "who else will i find!!!" is an ego cope and is literally the stupid thing to fall into. bc i thought the same thing about rishta #1 and then i got rishta #2 which is much better. so the same will keep happening, if this doesnt work out, and my ego needs to stfu with its bs about "who will marry me!!!!" like shutup pls