life updates for anyone who cares

"you dont always get in life what you want, but you always get.."

so lately ive been feeling this urge to start a youtube channel. there is no "tomorrow"... there is only today and i feel kind of nihilistic today which is good. bc its so funny how every one of us  is so worried about the others and every other person is also... worried about themselves. so how exactly does societal approval work lol?

theres no "tomorrow ill improve my fashion sense"  there is only today and a bunch of todays.  NO TOMORROWS

i cant just "pause" my life bc i have exams or smth else. i must always embody what i wanna be.

you dont always get in life what you want, but you always get what you reflect

manifestation is BEING. human is BEING. manifestation is DOING. human is DOING.

they both go hand-in-hand and you cant just separate them. likewise, if i want to be someone who doesnt give a crap... then thats literally what i have to... NOT GIVE A FRKN CRAP

its literally that simple, it doesnt have to be difficult. you dont need to logic-ise everything telling yourself that "but how can i not give a crap when i do" and tell myself that you literally can. everyday is a choice and each choice determines how you feel in the future. stop feeding yourself an alternative facts even if it has been true in the past bc it just isnt the case in the present. you just gotta tell yourself that "today i make the choice to do so and so" and everyday make that choice until it becomes habitual.

if im someone who is  in touch with my sexuality then that is who i am. i am someone who is in touch with their sexuality  in the most sensual way that escapes any accusation of being "too much" its so perfect and undetectable but still alluring and unforgettable at the same time.

if im someone with a successful  youtube girl or at the very least, a train of thought that makes sense. then THAT IS WHO I AM.

if i someone  with good fashion sense who can make it work  regardless of the trends atm then that is who i am. I simply have to step into this element and stop feeling like an imposter.

i will create a youtube channel and talk about everything that ive wanted to talk about and now that im comfortable with my public image and okay with not being publicly associated with my product. i am comfortable with my persona as whatever it is without it being acc attached to my name.

after all. what did chasing after people's approval get me? no approval and unhappiness. so you know what? STUFF EVERYONE. imma do me and everyone can go f themselves i dont frkn care anymore. im frkn done.

The only one who will be and has always been by my side is my Allah. He is there for me whether Im boring or interesting, , youtube channel or not and thats who i truly need to be impressing. May Allah help me only focus on Him and His approval bc only He knows how fickle humans are