life updates for anyone who cares

rishta #2 moving forward

so i talked to him again yesterday... but it was more about the wedding functions and how many of them we're going to have etc. i was literally only worried about contraception the whole day today lol. im thinking of getting a copper iud bc there are no hormones, and it is one of the most effective contraceptives.

his mum called my mum and said that when they come on the 5th dec, i have to make smth for them. idk how demanding she said it or if she said it as a passing joke but my mum made it seem like she demanded it and that felt weird tbh.

like saying it as a joke is fine and ill most likely do it too.. but demanding it? like it just makes me feel less likely to do it. and idk why my mum is being weird. like if i had a problem with cooking i would've said smth. its not that i cant cook... its just that i DONT. there is a difference. and that will obviously change once im married in shaa Allah, and ik its one of my responsibilities.

its just so annoying and weird how people are trying to create a new identity for me and force me into it. i dont want to be known for being married. like thats so lame, are you serious?

like oh ye "shes married" and thats why shes respected. its literally such a weird mindset, like im a human being bro with my own interests outside of my partner?

my mum is making this whole process feel weird for me. i kinda dont wanna get married bc i feel weird with the way other people are treating me. like obviously i understand its going to be different, im going to be doing wife things etc.. but why does everyone outside of my relo care about that? like you arent gonna be living with me so???

cooking aint even hard, its just tedious. and we should only really cook regularly (esp if youre not into it) AFTER marriage. theres no need to torture yourself outside of marriage with the hassle of cooking. whats the point of singleness?

anyway. and the other thing is, when we had the first call and he was flirting etc... my half-sister starting crying.. i wonder why.

i asked her and she said she was just wondering if she was ever gonna find love etc. and i was like???? bro im your frkn sister can you stop thinking about yourself. and then again today, i started to share some more details from the same call and she started crying and covering up her tears.  like i literally cant tell anyone around me anything. my mum even had to tell me to do my morning and evening prayers to avoid hasad. and she was insinuating my half-sister and her nazar.

im just so weirded out by everyones mindset rn.

and then my brother, after listening to our conversations where hes mentioning random things like "oh thats the best suit i own [talking about his whatsapp dp]" and me just going "hmmm" bc like what do you want me to say lol. like wow!!! yay!! thats great:))))

if i had done all that, i would be "desperate", you literally can never win.

and to top it ALL OFF. the rishta #2 didnt call me "bc hes not like that" ???? literally wHAT? like your mum is the one that asked for my number. secondly, dont act like you werent flirting like no tomorrow on the first call. my family is witness. so his mum is very well-mistaken bc her son is very much "like that". the rishta #2 didnt call me bc he wasnt sure if my dad knew about it... like ???? so youre not that type of guy, but somehow you think IM that type of girl???? even though i didnt even initiate the hardcore flirting?????

the double standards. i had been holding all this in today bc i literally cant believe how weird people become in this process and damn i never want anyone around me to experience anything like this from me. so weird and fan behaviour.

i literally am scared to share my feelings bc everyone makes EVERYTHING about him. even tho theyre well-aware im happy on my own. its just so cringey and it gives me the ick.

i can understand its enjoyable to tease. but this is a little different. i feel like im being treated differently. and judged for not cooking etc.

i just want to be a girl who happens to be married. i dont want to be "oh she got married" and then everyone only making it about that.

i now know why all those ig pages say stuff like this. bc its so weird how people pedestalise relos... like they are a normal part of life and we're all married longer than we are single. and that is a scary thought tbh