life updates for anyone who cares

rishta #1 vs rishta #2 and parents

so my parents are being very conflicting in regards to the past rishta and this rishta, by my parents, i mean my dad.

my dad said that rishta#2 might not know his direction (as a 22 yo, which is still normal) but the 27 yo rishta #1 STILL didn't know his direction.. and that was fine?

ik my own dad's bias about rich people is coming into play bc that makes no sense, theres a real cognitive dissonance.

my dad also said that he doesn't want me to be a "i changed my mind" decision and i HIGHKEY agree. but that never came up when rishta #1 revealed he changed his degree three times bc he literally "changed his mind"... there is no indication of rishta #2 "changing his mind" like rishta #1 did and i was DEFINITELY going to be one of those mistakes. WALLAHI im so grateful that never worked out. also the fact that when i pointed this out at the time, my dad simply said "well, its bc you guys have options here, let it go, its not that serious"

if there was a pattern of changing his mind in rishta #2, that would be a valid argument. tbf rishta #2 has also changed his degree three times but not for the same reason. he was first in design (literally what?) but changed bc he realised all they did was build sculptures which is haram, then he went to finance but then realised that he would have to work in a bank with rib'a etc and finally settled into a marketing degree which i think hes going into second year. point is, his reasons werent "i changed my mind", they were islamic reasons AND he didnt change his mind AFTER finishing the degrees. there is no solid ground to think that. my dad said that it was simply a "materialistic issue" that rishta #1 didnt know his direction in life...

a man with no direction is no man. its not about the money.. its about what he wants to be, what he wants to do.

and thats how i know this is simply a class issue and a "they're richer than us" coming. but who knows? maybe they could be the breakthrough my dad needed to become rich? opportunities are everywhere. and people dont get rich on their own. they get rich through contacts and there is no shame in networking, in fact you should be proud you didnt just rely on your talents and acc have the ability to TALK and communicate with people bc that is more important than being talented.

he said that he  found rishta #1's care-taking ability of his mum to be admirable... but rishta #2 never said he wasn't going to take care of his parents, etc. in fact it was one of the most important things that he said to me in our 20 min conversation and i respect it.

rishta #1's mom was just overly dependent on him and not to mention, a person with a disability so OBVIOUSLY more people would care about her. that has nothing to do with rishta #2 and his caring nature. idk.. none of these reasons have any ground to stand on.

i feel that my dad was more ready to literally "give me away" to rishta #1 bc of his "financial standing" than he is to rishta #2 bc of his financial means (which are good ma shaa Allah, Allahuma barek)

also rishta #1 mentioned that he wanted his wife to be in some dawah programs/community..but didnt participate in such things himself?

its just not fair.

its not a fair comparison, considering rishta #2 is ONLY 22 and still know more about what he wants than directionless rishta #1. my dad is cutting the 27 yo more slack than his is this 22 yo which is just not fair.

tbf i get where my dad is coming from with the whole "i need to get married NOW" issue with rishta #2... but i would still say they've respected our boundaries. for eg. he has my personal phone number but told his mum he wouldn't call me until the week is over.. bc i told him to give me a week to think about. hes respecting my boundaries even if hes finding it difficult. even tho he REALLY wants to get married.

but thats the only issue i would say is valid. otherwise, rishta #2  is much more qualified