life updates for anyone who cares

guess who this entry is about?

thats right!

that b **** who i call my half-sister

today was very emotionally-draining for me, firstly bc i realised how much im procrastinating on my goals and secondly bc stupid half-sister didnt tell me the continued story of her and waqas.

very sad.

someone whos crying about me being distant with her is being a hypocrite and being distant back instead of trying to resolve the issue.

i found this out while going thru her stuff (sue me) and she wrote about how she felt a rift between me and her but she didnt know how to repair it AND she didnt care to.

yes, she really did say that she didnt care.

its true what they say, stop snooping around youre gonna break your own heart but im helpless.

anyway, she was messaging w a q a s on the down low and didnt think to tell me (she does that when she knows shes doing wrong or that shes overstepped her boundaries which is why she doesnt tell me)

anyway, W was asking whether they could talk and 'get to know each other' but half-sister said no and then he said  'okay, goodnight'

and the next message (according to her) that she sent to him was 'i dont wanna talk bc its haram" and he agreed but said "azka baji told me you were interested, arent you" and the dumb b replied "no our family culture is different." but im pretty sure it was more offensive (this is just based off of what she told me)

*facepalm a billion times*

obviously W became defensive, as anyone rightfully would over their family and started telling her to stop judging etc to which she said 'i dont wanna talk about it' classic half-sister. stirs shit up, lets it boil to explosion point and suddenly thinks her saying 'i dont wanna talk about this anymore' will just clear the air.

thats why i hate her. this is why i want her out of this house.

but noooooo she had to kill another rishta that was ready to take her.

no thats not even the worst part, she said she didnt want him bc his family is weird.... whereas adam's family.... is proudly RACIST AND ARAB SUPREMACY REIGNS FREE IN THAT CURSED HOUSEHOLD... and she still wants him and thinks he can convince his mum. the coward has stood for nothing in his life and she keeps chasing him like a dog that chases a bone

so she has double standards. and shes stupid. and shes doing exactly what she said she wouldn't do: 'cancel a good rishta bc of adam'

she doesnt even let the guy prove himself for eg: Ali from twitter and waqas from real life. its just sad and pathetic watching her pine after a guy who is LITERALLY RACIST, PEOPLE.

im not exaggerating this guy acc wants the rest of the world DEAD except for the arabs.

and thats the other thing. she has that 'im different from other girls' concept... where she accepts trash behaviour at other people as long as its not at herself for eg. adam can call 'pakis' as a whole stupid, trash etc but as long as he says... "except my crush (my half-sister)", she'll be okay with that

like the type that cheats with a man thats taken and thinks shes special bc HE cheated on his gf with HER, so she must be special.

like she saw how trash her friend maria was, but bc during their short-lived friendship, she didnt outwardly do smth stupid (they were apparently best friends), she excluded herself from the trash behaviour and thought herself special until maria did the same thing to her.

idk if i should be angry or upset but tbh im not hurting anyone but myself when i express anger or resentment towards her... bc shes already said she doesnt care. and i think i should feel sorry for her; sorry that shes not mature enough to realise the sh*t shes put herself into, sorry that she cant keep long relationships bc they dont have a good foundation (theyre all based on mcms), sorry that her myopic vision doesnt allow her to see the blessing that is her family in front of her, sorry that she is creating her own miserable life without even realising it, sorry that she doesnt have the courage, the maturity, the patience, the work ethic to sustain a household. sorry that all her personality is on the internet and shes a blank sheet of paper that people can project anything onto and thats why people like her so much. sorry that shes a slave to her heart and cant see with the eyes that Allah gifted her. sorry that she mentally masturbates to adam every night, ruining her sleep, crying herself to sleep bc of 'what if' thoughts. sorry that she is just a swamp of unresolved feelings that are just so traumatic for her that shes so weak, she cant face them. and sorry that i was given such a narcissistic sister.

and most of all, i feel sorry that i still feel angry at her, like shes even capable of delivering on what i ask of her. i need to teach myself that i cannot expect smth from her that she cannot give.