the MST3K gang riffs on bad stories i made when i was like nine

RTA #4- Host Segment

(Jonah, portraying Alaska, sits in a chair as if in an interview)

Lexsi: Hello, everyone, this is the Character Study podcast. My name is Cliff Hanger, and we're here with someone who would love to get to know everyone. Please introduce yourself.

Jonah: H-h-hi... m-m-m-my n-n-n-name's

Lexsi: A little bit shy here, folks.

Jonah: A-a-a-a-a-a-a..

Lexsi: Your name is... What?

Jonah: A-a-a-a-

Lexsi: ALASKA! Your name is ALASKA!

Jonah: ALASKA!

Lexsi: Thank you... Now...

(Jonah starts crying. Lexsi, at this point, is frustrated)

Lexsi: Now what?

Jonah: Nothing, Cliff... It's just... Nothing's wrong... I guess...

Lexsi: What's wrong?

Jonah: My sister died because I drowned her two months ago and it's all my fault!

Lexsi: Should I call someone?

Jonah: (suddenly bold) NO YOU MAY NOT.

BEEP! BEEP!

ALL: STORY SIGN!

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