the MST3K gang riffs on bad stories i made when i was like nine

Wolf Tails #1- Host Segment

(Everyone is at a round table. Jonah stands around a whiteboard)

Jonah: Gentlemen of the Council...

Joel: Why are we here?

Crow: Because we're the Council.

Joel: Council of what?

Lexsi and Crow: The Council.

Jonah: We are here to discuss...

(pulls out a stick figure drawing of a wolf)

Jonah: Caydence: Why are we killing a pregnant canine? For what reason? This is why I ask you all, gentlemen of the Council... (with dramatic flaire) Who's idea was this? Was the book just a metaphor for society's standards upon our women? To promote feminism? Is this a cry for help from the motherly wolves of this world, to fight against unreasonably killings? That is why, gentlemen of The Council-

Joel: We get it, we're the Council.

Jonah: GENTLEMEN! Of the COUNCIL... We ask ourselves... Who? WHO was tasked to kill Caydence?

(Lexsi raises her hand)

Lexsi: A guy from the Shadowpaths.

Jonah: THIS IS NOT SIMPLY A GUY FROM THE SHADOWPATHS! This is... A rekindling of past lovers coming to ruin the lives of many! This is the act of envy and jealousy towards Caydence! THIS, Gentlemen of the Council-

Crow: Again, we know, we're the-

Jonah: - Is why we should consider this... The murderer was a lost fling that Caydence took part in, from the Shadowpaths, hired and taking the first opportunity to strike at the last moment when his old ex was pregnant with rather healthy pups... HE CANNOT stand for watching another masculine being loom over Caydence in such a way as to give her children!

(silence)

Lexsi: I think he was just ordered to kill her.

BEEP! BEEP!

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