the MST3K gang riffs on bad stories i made when i was like nine

Wolf Tails #1- Chapter 8-9

Jonah Heston (H)

Joel Robinson (R)

Lexsi Marinn (L)

Crow T. Robot (C)

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Chapter 8: News

Tundra heard Sage and Pepper first as they dashed into camp. "Whoa whoa, what's going on?!" Tundra asked after she got trampled. "C'mon! We gotta alert everyone!" cried Pepper. "About spices?"

H- I knew this was a sponsorship for Old Spice.

joked Dakota as the two wolves ran past them. "NO! So important, we must alert the alphas!" cried Sage this time. Tundra blushed as Dakota helped her up. So did he. Does he like me too? Tundra wondered.

R- Hey. Not a good time to introduce a subplot, folks.

She shook her head and ran after Sage and Pepper. "APOLLO! ALASKA!" yelled Sage. "WE NEED YOU!" called Pepper. "Wolves, wolves! What's all this commotion!?" wondered Apollo and Alaska aloud. "Sabre... Sharpclaw... spy!" panted Sage and Pepper as they caught their breath, each of them trying to talk over one another. "Pepper, start from the beginning." Alaska told her, concerned. "Sabre and Sharpclaw are brother and sister, Sabre is his little sister, and now -" "She's a spy for the Shadowpath pack!"

L- Am I the only one reading "Sabre" as "Sahhh-breeey?"

R- No. What's it supposed to say?

L- Allegedly, it's supposed to say "Saber."

cried Sage, finishing Pepper's sentence. "What?!?!" roared Apollo, angry at one of his fellow pack members. "Sage, Pepper, will you spy on our spy? We NEED to keep an eye on her."

H- So why not just say Saber?

C- Because who wants to be normal?

Alaska informed the two females. They nodded, and then Sabre came rushing back saying, "I got food!" with a nice fat deer, a bunch of rabbits and two foxes. The pack gathered around her, and the warriors circled her. "Where did you get that, traitor?" one of the warriors - Fang - growled at her. "I hunted it. Duh!" she exclaimed. "Hmm... alright. But why were you gone longer than it would've taken!?"

L- "I'm a very bad hunter! Duh!"

Fang pressed. "It's because she's been meeting with her brother at night and times when she needs to." Pepper stepped up. The rest of the wolves gasped and murmured, looking at Sabre, then back at each other. "Who's her brother then?" asked Yuki. She looked like her feelings had been clawed at. Zelda and their pups nuzzled her and tried to make her feel better. Yuki loved her friends, and finding out that one of them was a traitor? It must've felt like a whack in the rump, Tundra thought.

C- What's a rump?

L- Like an ass.

C- Oh... So the wolves are spanking now.

H- What?!

Her face must've looked similar, because Dakota came up and licked her. She smiled. So did he.

L- Jesus, Crow, it's FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE!

C- Well EXCUUUUSE me

"Sharpclaw. Her big brother is Sharpclaw. And Sabre wants to join the Shadowpaths, where Sharpclaw is."

R- "In the Shadowpaths, where Sharpclaw, Sabre's brother is, in the Shadowpaths, with Sharpclaw, as her big brother, in the Shadowpaths"

Alaska had put the pieces together! Of course! Tundra thought excitedly. Sabre dropped the food and ran, shaking her head, as if shaking away her tears - which she was doing, Tundra guessed - but then realized, "Guys, catch her!"