Ace Attorney X Reader One Shots Vol. 2

How To Love (Apollo x Depressed! Reader)

How To Love (Apollo x Depressed! Reader)

A/N: Hey guys. Sorry I've been a little inactive lately. I just have been down for a bit. This chapter will deal with depression and various other triggers. Please skip if this may trigger you. Thank you.

Your Pov:

I laid in bed, staring at Apollo's empty side. I never wanted to get up in the mornings. When I did, I'd just stare up at the ceiling while the shower ran in the background. My mind would come awake with me, never missing a beat on telling me how there's no point in anything.

Not me.

Not him.

Not anything.

I got up as the shower stopped. I picked out some clothes from the closet and got dressed. Apollo stepped out from the bathroom, adjusting his tie and sleeves. I ran a brush through my hair and grabbed my bag. He looked at me, "Are you ready to go?" I nodded, "Y-Yeah."

We got to the office on time and started looking over our case. It was just us for now, since everyone else was out. I sat on the sofa, zoning out as my mind continued to scream. The thing about my mind, is that it never stops. Even in my sleep, it screams, yelling everything I hate about myself until I wake up in tears with my hands over my ears.

Apollo doesn't know and I want to keep it that way. No one wants something broken. If I told him, he'd leave just like the rest. I felt a hand on my shoulder, "(Y/n), hey!" I snapped out of it, looking at Apollo, "W-What?" He sighed, "Are you alright? You've been off for the past 2 days." I put a smile on my face, "I'm fine."

I've said that half a million times, but what else could I say?

What else could I say that wouldn't make me look crazy?

He gripped my hand, looking into my eyes, "No, you're not. What's wrong?" I bit my lip, "I don't want to bother you." He shook his head, "You can tell me anything. I am here to support and listen to you."

How long had it been since I'd heard those words?

In the moment, a switch flipped in me.

I looked at him, "I...I can't do this. I can't continue to wake up every morning and question why I'm still alive! I cannot continue to give and give to people I know do not care for my heart! I'm tired, Apollo! I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of seeing everyone around me be happy while I stand in the background like a shadow! And you know what?"

I took a deep breath.

"I don't wake up every morning for myself. I wake up for you, I wake up for everyone else. If I didn't have you or them, I would've gave up a long time ago! I continue to wake up and live because I know that if I decided to stop...I would hurt the people who cared for me. If I decided to just pull the cord, I'd be passing on all the pain I was trying to prevent."

I wiped the tears falling from my eyes.

"Trucy is barely 15, you're barely 22, and Athena's only 19. You don't want to tell your friends or your family 'Yeah, I buried my partner last year.' I don't want Athena to bury her best friend or Trucy to lay a flower on my grave. I don't want them to feel that pain. Since I feel that pain everyday."

He spoke, tears in his eyes, "(Y/n), this does not change how I feel about you. I love you, and I mean it. I know how it feels to be walked out on. To see the person you thought loved you just walk out that door without a second thought. Like they never loved you. But I am not leaving. I will stay until you tell me you no longer need me. But even after that, I'll still love you."

He held me close, "You don't have to talk about it, but I don't know much about your past." I closed my eyes, regaining some strength. I spoke.

"My childhood wasn't great. I didn't have a stable house until I was 5, maybe 6 years old. Granted, my family wasn't stable. At all. I wasn't even a year old when my father hit my mother. She left the house and took me, my siblings, and our things to my grandma's house. My grandma on my dad's side hid him from the police when they came to arrest him."

I continued, "But, my mom went back. Shortly after that, they got married. I grew up in a suburban neighborhood, but what went on inside the house didn't fit the white picket fence facade. Emotional, mental abuse when I turned 9, but my siblings tried to protect me from it, getting hurt in the process. It wasn't from my mother, but from my father."

I started to shake slightly, "And God knows, I hate calling him that. He treated his kids like they were worthless. Like we were dirt. I grew up hating him with every fiber of my being. My mother enabled him, but I could never bring myself to hate her. I knew she stayed because of us, her kids. He made my older sibling feel like killing themselves, and sometimes I used to feel like that too. But then I realized, if I kill myself because of him, I'm giving him the satisfaction of knowing he broke me. So I didn't."

My shaking slowly subsided, "High school was not great. I didn't really have friends. I had those 'We sit with and talk to you in class, but outside of that, we don't talk' kind of friends. Those are the times when I would think 'What if I just took those pills?' because who would care? Not my 'friends' at school. At 18, I moved in with my grandma on my mom's side, only going back to that house to grab clothes or other essentials. He never made a point to contact me and I never contacted him. My siblings are doing better too. Then I met you."

He smiled, "Yeah. It was the best day of my life. I'll never forget it. You looked so beautiful then, just like you do now." I tilted my head, "What about your family?" He tensed up a bit as he spoke.

(Basing off of after SOJ)

"Well, there's not much to tell. My dad died when I was a baby and my mom abandoned me. I was taken in by someone I called a father and he raised me. He taught me everything I never knew I needed to know. My school life was like yours, not a lot of friends. But sometimes, I would get teased for not having a mom or a 'real' dad. Then I met Clay..."

He continued, "He was and still is my best friend. I know him and Dhurke are probably talking about me right now, wherever they are. But, they taught me so much. And I was able to come to terms with a lot of things. I could've chosen to be angry at my mother for abandoning me, but I wasn't because I knew that she did it because she loved me. She wanted me to have a good life she wasn't able to provide back then. I let Clay's death weigh me down a bit before I  realized that I don't have to be this way. Clay wouldn't like it."

He hugged me, "And one day, you'll realize it too. You don't have to listen to the thoughts your mind spews. You don't have to give up because the road is empty. That road may be empty now, but sometime, somehow, someone will walk up that road and find you. They will walk with you until your feet blister and bleed, but they will not let you stop until you get to your destination. If you can't walk, they will carry you and you will have no fear of being dropped. And once you reach that destination, they will dress your wounds and tell you..."

He looked at me, "Rest easy, you've made it." He wiped the tears off my cheek, "I don't know what your destination may be, but I will make sure you get there. You deserve so much more than what you have been given. You just haven't seen it yet."

He kissed me, softly yet lovingly. He pulled away, "I love you, (Y/n)."

I smiled, "I love you so much more than you'll ever know, Apollo."