Na Jaane Kyon...

Khaali khaali dil ko... bhar denge mohabbat se

Since morning, wattpad has been troubling a lot. I lost several portions in the draft as they were not getting saved. Have been trying to publish for a long time but having problems in this too.

If at any place you find some incomplete sentence or disjointed para, please let me know as I have no idea now which draft I'd getting published

The distance to her house was hardly five minutes drive but Ayush was already slumping in his seat when Naina parked in front of their gate.

"Ayush, chal baby ghar aa gaya." She shook him slightly.

Holding her hand, he dragged himself up the stairs. By the time Naina helped him to change and brush, his eyes were droopy. Within seconds, he was fast asleep. She sat near his pillow, her fingers weaving his hair while she reminisced about his pleasure in the evening when Sameer played with him.

"Kitne dino ke baad suna hai tujhe aise hanste hue. I'm sorry, Ayush, main shayad utna nahin kar paati jitna teri umr ki zarurat hai. Tujhe uchalna koodna hai, masti karni hai main koshish karke bhi who sab nahi de sakti jo ek family mein rehne se mil paata. I'm sorry, baby." She leaned and kissed his forehead, her eyes misty.

Back in her room, Naina changed and got ready for bed. After rubbing some ointment on her foot, she tied a crepe bandage. Though it was past midnight, sleep was nowhere near her. She glanced up at the sky. Her only companion, the moon seemed to be waiting for her.

Curling up on the chair, she let out a tired exhale, "Pata nahi kyon main tumse baat karti hun... tumhare paas na koi jawab hai na kuch samjhte ho." She silently stared at the moon for a while, then pressed her lips,"Lekin aur koi hai hi nahi jisse baat kar sakun. Tum samajhte nahi par sun toh lete ho. Aaj Ayush ki khushi dekh ke ahsaas hua ki woh bhi kitna miss karta hai mumma papa ko, hamare ghar ko, unn purane dinon ko jab woh papa ke saath khelta tha. Abhi chota hai isliye uss kami ko khud realise nahi kar raha, lekin uski aankhon mein ek alag si chamak dekhi aaj maine. Uski woh hansi bilkul pehle jaisi thi. Sameer ke saath Ayush sach mein bohot khush rehta hai... jaise koi kami poori ho gayi ho. Mujhe pata hai jitna main de paa rahi hun shayad Ayush ko usse zyada ki zarurat hai."

She looked down, at the plants outside on the terrace, and sighed, "Lekin usse bhi aadat dalni hogi. Yeh khushi hamesha nahi rahegi. Sameer ki apni family hai, commitments hain. Woh kab tak Ayush ke liye time spare kar payenge! Kal ko unki life change hogi, shaadi hogi... jaisa unki mom ne aaj kaha. Ayush ki Sameer se itni attachment theek nahi hai." Her sad eyes again reached for her celestial partner, "Par main Ayush se yeh kuch pal nahi cheenna chahti. Main usse Sameer se door nahi karna chahti. Ek baar phir se apne Ayush ko akela nahi kar sakti. Shayad main selfish hun... par Ayush ke liye mujhe selfish hona manzoor hai. Tum jaante ho na, uski khushi ke alava mujhe aur kuch nahi chahiye."

Her thoughts deviated to the times when Ayush was with Sameer. He enjoyed every moment of it. In Sameer, he was seeing the missing part of his life, unknowingly. She couldn't take all this away from him. Ayush was too young to lose something he had grown so fond of. She was aware of the pain of losing. She would never want Ayush to feel that pain. Nothing mattered more to her than him... and she could go to any length to ensure that he always remained happy. If a few days with Sameer could, to some extent, fulfill the void created by destiny, she wouldn't snatch away these beautiful moments. Only for Ayush.

That is when her mind drifted back to the instant in the party when Sameer had glanced at her... again a shiver made her wound her arms around herself. She had felt an inexplicable pull towards those dark eyes. There was something enchanting that seemed to draw her to them. His gaze had not stopped at her as he sang, nor had he looked at her again, but something had shifted in her heart in that momentary eyelock. He was his same self later... talking to her, caring for Ayush. She had been hesitant to look into his eyes, but he didn't show any change in the behaviour. As always, he had maintained his distance... got the ointment for her, but never offered to put it... asked if she wanted to call Preeti to help her climb down the stairs... he did not even react to Ayush's kiddish suggestion. He was always the perfect gentleman to her... never stepping over the boundaries which he seemed to understand without being told.