Na Jaane Kyon...

Vaaste jaan bhi dun main gawa imaan bhi dun... kismaton ka likha mod dun

Statutory warning : Don't start the chapter if you are pressed for time. It needs a lot of time. Real long one today...

Title is the song "Vaaste' by Dhvani Bhanushali

The drive back home was a quiet one. Sameer was relieved that there wasn't any apparent issue with Naina's general health, but his heart twisted painfully every time he thought about the moment when doctor quashed their hope. This is what he was fearing right from the time Naina had agreed to go with Harmeet's suggestion. They had a contented life... with Ayush. Why she had to complicate it... why she had to build a world of dreams which were next to impossible... why she had to burden both of them with this anguish...

"Sameer, tum theek ho?" Naina's gentle voice brought him out of his agonising thoughts.

"Hmm..." was all he could utter.

She placed a hand on his leg, "It's okay Sameer. Humein pehle se hi pata tha ki abhi aisa kuch possible nahi hai. Main bilkul bhi upset nahi hun. Tum meri fiqr mat karo."

He shot her a quick glance. She blinked to reassure him. He plainly nodded, and continued to drive. When they reached home, he remained seated in the car, "Tum chalo mujhe kuch kaam hai. Thodi der mein aata hun."

Naina was surprised, "Kya kaam hai? Project se related hai kya? Office jaa rahe ho? Main chalu saath mein?"

"Nahi Naina. Office nahi jaa raha. Mujhe kuch aur kaam hai. Tum ghar jao." His voice wasn't harsh, but Naina could feel the severe undertone.

Nodding, she opened the door to step out, then stopped and looked back with a smile, "Jaldi aana. Main wait karungi."

He remained seated after she was gone. The chaotic turbulence in his mind had become more tremulous. He didn't know what to do or where to go... but he knew he had to be on his own for sometime, till the storm inside him ebbed. He didn't want to lash out at Naina. His heart constantly reminded him that she was not at fault... rather, she would be more distraught than him. But his mind focussed only on the smile she gave him.

"Tum itni badi baat ke baad aise normally smile kaise kar sakti ho Naina?" He banged a fist on the steering, "Agar tum itni hi khush ho negative report se toh yeh sab shuru hi kyon kiya?"

A sound of faint laughter of nanu drifted out, making him realise that he was still in the porch. Putting the car in ignition, he reversed in speed, and drove away.

As Naina walked towards the door, she knew Sameer was not going for any work. He just wanted to hide his emotional distraught from her, because he didn't want to make her sad. She was upset too, but she had accepted the decision of destiny even before doctor put it in words. She admonished herself, for subjecting him to this sudden wave of euphoria, and then bringing him crashing down. Her eyes dampened as she recalled how ecstatic he was when she mentioned to him.

"I'm sorry Sameer. Mujhe shayad thoda wait karna chahiye tha tumhe batane se pehle. Doctor ne last month ke check up mein bhi kaha tha ki abhi koi possibility nahi hai phir bhi sabse pehle yehi baat dimag mein aayi aur maine bina kuch soche tumhe bol diya. I'm so sorry." Her thoughts filled her with guilt.

At home, she waited impatiently for his return, keeping herself busy with arranging their already sorted cupboards, changing the bedsheet, putting fresh cushion covers, resetting the dresser... anything that would keep her from dwelling upon the morning events that had created this unwanted friction between them. She wanted him to speak up, to share whatever he felt... pain, grief or even anger. She wished she had talked about it in the car only. But then, she had no idea he would go away like this.

Sameer drove aimlessly on the wide roads of Delhi. His mind was a jumbled mess. Just a few minutes of this anticipation had taken him to a state of extreme bliss. Similar was the extent of pain when it turned out to be false. He could not take it. The pain was too much. How could one endure something this excruciating. He couldn't.