Na Jaane Kyon...

Mere liye tum kaafi ho

Title is the song from movie 'Shubh mangal zyada savdhan'

Sameer could see her reflection in the glass of the window as Naina stood gazing outside... into the darkness. There were no tears. Her face, her eyes, her expression... it was all stoic.

When she turned, she quietly went to her chair to sit, without sparing him a glance.

"Papa ne mujh se pucha, ki agar main agree karungi toh woh police complaint karenge. Lekin maine manaa kar diya. Aap sochenge aisa kyon kiya." Her mouth twisted in a wry smile, "Jitna aasan saamne walon ko lagta hai utna aasan unke liye nahi hota jo aise haadse se guzre hain. Already mera case weak tha... aur shayad main bhi weak thi." Her voice quivered, "Mujh mein himmat nahi thi, mumma papa ko aur humiliation face karte dekhna ki. Woh pehle hi bohot kuch suffer kar chuke the. Tab tak toh mujhe papa ke heart attack ke baare mein bhi nahi pata tha. Mumma ne kaise akele sambhala hoga, mujhe aur papa dono ko." She went silent for sometime, before speaking again, "Aur complaint jiske against karti, uske parents ne backdate ki ticket arrange karwa li thi uski, mujhe Myra ne bataya. Woh saaf keh dete Vihan country mein tha hi nahi. I don't know, par main jaise already give up kar chuki thi life pe. Bas mera ek hi aim tha... ki mere parents ko aur insult na jhelni pade."

Sameer kept staring at her frail frame, wondering how she could have have survived so much in such a short span of time, and still think about the feelings of others, even if they were her parents.

"Myra se baat karke, sab kuch sunne ke baad bhi mujhe kuch yaad nahi aaya. Mere paas sirf Myra ka version tha... aur maine ussi ko sach maan liya. Kyonki meri apni koi yaad nahi thi. Ek mahine tak main khud se, duniya se, uss bachhe se... sabse nafrat karti rahi. Phir dheere dheere mujhe lagne laga ki jo duniya mein aaya hi nahi, usko kaise hate kar sakti hun? Meri tarah uski bhi toh marzi shaamil nahi thi, lekin jaise main kuch nahi kar saki, woh bhi toh apne wajood ke liye khud zimmedar nahi tha. Woh mera hissa tha, toh main usse nafrat kyon kar rahi thi. Jaise itna sab hone ke baad bhi mere parents mujhe pehle jaisa hi pyar karte the, toh mujhe bhi unse seekhna chahiye tha. Aur mujhe attachment hone lagi, uss bachhe se jo sirf mera hota." There was a sadness in her eyes as she remembered.

Sameer could now understand her love for Ayush.

"Lekin meri har khushi ke aage jaise bhagwan ne cross laga rakha tha. Che mahine hone waale the jab ek din mujhe bohot zor se pet dard hua. Doctor ko bulaya. Unhone kaha complication hai, mujhe town mein le jaana padega, jo ek ghante ki drive pe tha. Lekin jab tak hum hospital pohonche, I had lost the child. Drugs ke effect ne mujhe andar se itna weak bana diya tha ki..." She wiped a lone tear, "Jab doctor ne kaha ki main... main phir kabhi... matlab I would never be able to have a child again... mujhe usse koi farq nahi pada. Kyonki meri life mein ab koi aane wala hi nahi tha. Mujhe sirf uss bachhe ko khone ka dard tha."

Sameer gaped at her. If she lost the child than Ayush...

She answered his query even without him speaking a single word, "Ayush mera beta nahi hai. Woh sach mein mandir mein hi mila tha. Mumma mujhe roz mandir leke jaati thi, par main andar nahi jaati thi... kya maangti bhagwan se, jo mujhe dene se zyada mujhse chenne mein lage the. Ek din seediyon pe baithi thi main jab kuch logon ko side mein bheed lagaye dekha. I went to see what happened... and there he was. Sardi ki subah, thande marble ke farsh pe, sirf ek halke se blanket mein lipta hua, apni ungliyon se khel raha tha Ayush. Sab log bas baatein kar rahe the... uss chote se bachhe ke born hone ke alag alag scenarios express kar rahe the. Mujhe achanak woh bilkul apne jaisa laga... jiski koi galti nahi thi, phir bhi saari baatein uske liye hi thi, saare ilzaam ussi pe the, sabki nazar bas uski kami dhoond rahi thi." She wrapped her arms around herself, trembling with the same anger that she had felt at that time, "Uss bechare ke paas toh haath pakadne ke liye parents tak nahi the. Maine usse utha liya. Sabne manaa kiya, lekin mumma ne mujhe nahi roka. Usse dekh ke laga, ki mujhe woh bachha wapas mil gaya jo maine khoya tha. Ho sakta hai uski asli maa ki bhi mere jaisi koi kahani ho. Main Ayush ko ghar le aayi. Main khud usse adopt karna chahti thi, lekin possible nahi tha. Isliye, papers pe woh mera bhai hai, par maine shuru se usse apne bachhe jaisa samjha hai. As far as I'm concerned Ayush mera beta hai chahe maine usse janm nahi diya. Woh mujhe April ke mahine mein mila tha, lekin main uska birthday June mein celebrate karti hun... jo date doctor ne mujhe di thi."