Married, on paper.

6. More lies and confusing emotions

"Hey i thought you had nothing on your schedule until the... wedding..." Scott says walking into the kitchen... I pretend to not hear the blatant disgust in his voice when the word wedding comes out... "Yeah something came up last minute..." I mumble checking for the hundredth time if i have everything. The divorce papers had just been delivered to my house to take with me... "In Yellowstone?" Scott says confused as he looks at the ticket on my phone... "What the hell is in Yellowstone?" He asks and i sigh snatching my phone back from him... "Business..." I mumble and he looks at me with furrowed brows... 

"What did your highness say about this last-minute business trip...?" Scott asks taking an apple out of the bowl taking a bite. I sigh and roll my eyes... "Scott... I told you not to call her that..." I say and he sighs... "What? She is not here..." He says smirking and i give him a look... "All she wants is to be liked..." I say and Scott is now rolling his eyes... "Could have fooled me..." He mumbles and i sigh... "Well... She will be part of the family whether you like it or not... Can you just be nice to her for me..." I ask and he sigh letting out a groan... "Ugh... Okaaaay fine... How did Genevieve take it..." He asks and i sigh... "She was not happy..." I mumble and Scott looks surprised. "And you are still going?" He asks surprised annoying the hell out of me but i push it down and i nod... 

"Yes... Why wouldn't i...?" I say and Scott rolls his eyes... "Because normally if Genevieve says jump... You ask how high..." He says and i groan... "Stop it Scott... I dont..." I say and Scott chuckles... "Can we go... I dont want to miss my flight..." I say and he nods... "I am ready when you are..." He says and after checking if i got everything we make our way to the car. 

"So, what kind of business do you have up there?" Scott asks as he pulls out of the driveway. I freeze as i had not thought about an answer on that question. Should i tell him the truth? I want to i really do but i know if i do it would not take long before the whole family knows. I love my family... I really do and i like that we have no secrets from each other... But in this case, it is better. The last thing i need is Scott meddling... Scott to is not Genevieve's biggest fan and i dont know how he is going to react when he finds out i am still married to Mya. The girl he did like and saw as a sister... I sigh and my mind is racing... "A director i would love to work with has a house there... He invited me for a conversation about a movie i really want to do..." I lie... Another lie... I am now lying to my family... It is bad enough i am lying to Genevieve... But now i am also lying to my brother. 

"Okay nice..." He says and i sigh... "Yeah nice..." I mumble. "What do you have on your schedule...?" I ask wanting the change the subject and shift the focus off of me. "I have a few auditions... Still riding the high of the barbie movie though..." He says a big smile on his face and i chuckle... "You should. You were great."  I say smiling proudly. 

"How long will you be gone... I saw it was a one-way ticket..." Scott says and i take in a deep breath annoyed that the focus is back on me. "You are coming back, right?" He says joking and i scoff... "Yes, Scott i will be back. A few days, i think... Maybe a week... It depends on how it goes..." I mumble and my mind is screaming at me to tell him but i keep my mouth shut. 

It is not really a lie as i dont know how long it is going to take for me to make contact. "Chris? Are you really, okay?  You seem off..." Scott says sounding worried and i look at him forcing a smile. "I am good, Scott. Just nervous..." I mumble and he pats my shoulder... "Dont worry. You will do great they will be crazy if they dont go with you for whatever roll it is." Scott says and i force a smile as guilt washes over me again... 

I am feeling relief when we finally arrive at the airport. I say goodbye to Scott, thanking him for the ride... I take a deep breath as i get my bags and walk inside. I look at the board and make my way to the gate... I will fly to Salt Lake City first were i am having a layover... I arrive at the gate and check in... I pull my cap lower as i see some girls giggling...  The last thing i want is attention and to interact with people. 

I have to wait an hour and i sigh trying to find a spot to wait... I am nervous and anxious... Maybe i should have told Scott and have him come with me...  The flight is going to be roughly 8 hours and that is a long time to be alone with my out-of-control thoughts, 8 hours to have nothing else to do than drive myself crazy...  But in 8 hours i will be closer to Mya then i have been in 9 years...  

I wonder what she will look like... Will she still be the same beautiful woman... I bet she is... Is she happy...? Will she have someone in her life? I let out a soft groan as the idea of her with another man is making me feel nauseous... I know it is not fair, highly inappropriate and selfish. I can't expect her to not have moved on, when i did... She deserves to be happy... Still the idea of her being happy with someone else hurts, the idea that she is happy with someone else kills me... I was supposed to be the one she is happy with... But loving her means i have to do what is best... For the both of us... And we dont work... Our love is not enough... It is primal and intense, but it would have never worked... 

My phone dings and when i look i have a text from Genevieve... I sigh she is telling me all things she has bought with pictures attached. And again, there it is... That annoyed feeling... God what is happening... 

I scold myself for my selfish train of thoughts. But my emotions are all over the place. The idea of seeing Mya again has me buzzing... I am relieved as they call first class passengers to board and i make my way on the plane. I find my seat and buckle in... I lean back and close my eyes... I smile thinking about Mya... I am going to see her... We both get closure... But my smile disappears when i think that she might already have closure... She probably doesn't know we are still married. All the scenarios run through my mind... Her angry... Signing the papers immediately to get me out of her life... I have to stop thinking like this as it feels like someone is reaching in my chest and ripping my heart out having me on the verge of a panic attack... 

Instead, i imagine her happy to see me... Jumping in my arms asking me what took me so long... I fantasize about a happy reunion... Happy reunion... Happy reunion... I repeat as a mantra in my head only to snap myself out of it... No... No... I love Genevieve... I am going to marry Genevieve... But i have to admit the thought of marrying her doesn't bring the happy feeling as much anymore as i did before i found all this out... "God i am a mess..." I mumble letting out a sigh as the pilot tells everyone we are taking off in a second... I am just confused... When this all is dealt with, we can go back to normal...

I tell myself to pull myself together. "I love Genevieve... She will be my wife... I love Genevieve... She will be my wife... I love her... I love her..." I mumble to myself forcing myself to keep my thoughts on her...I am just going to see Mya... Explain the situation. Have her sign the papers and leave... It is better to not stick around... I am already confused enough... Staying around will only make things more complicated... Besides after the things i said to Mya and the fact i left her behind she will not want anything to do with me... She hates me... I know that much... "God, she hates me..." I mumble.