Married, on paper.

56. It is even worse

So many questions... They ask her so many questions as she is barely conscious and in pain... They had rolled her into the ER and put her behind a curtain. We didn't have to wait as she was in bad shape barely hanging on fighting tooth and nail to stay awake... She was clearly in pain... So much pain... It is killing me as i hold her hand feeling so hopeless... Hopeless and frustrated because there is nothing i can do... I am useless here... 

Her answers, are the answers of a doctor... She talks in medical lingo saying things i dont understand. I just want to scream at them to stop talking in riddles, but nothing comes out as fear sets in... That, and i dont want to make a scene... The last thing i want is having the focus on me... I just want to understand what is going on but i am scared that i will be annoying.

I am thankful for the curtain that shields us from the rest of the space... The last thing i wanted was to get bothered by people... The doctors and nurses ignored me and just did their jobs. I was not their patient so i was invisible... The last thing i wanted was to take their attention away from Mya... So, i was thankful for their professionalism. 

They take blood and hook her up at all sorts of machines... I cringe watching the needle disappear in her arm and blood being pulled out and put in tubes... Mya doesn't flinch... She just lets them do whatever they want, too weak to say something or protest to things... Or maybe just desperate for them to stop the pain... Whatever the reason, she lets the doctors do their job...  She has cold sweats and throws up a few more times from the pain... 

They examine her asking her where it hurts... She points and describes the pain and all i can do is watch and comfort her. Holding her hand and running my hand through her hair or holding her hair when she throws up... She looks up at me and forces a smile... I kiss her forehead... "Sorry... I am so sorry..." She mumbles in a soft groan and i sigh... "Shhh... Just safe your strength..." I mumble back and kiss her forehead again. I wish i there was something i could do... But all i could do was tell her she was going to be okay... But at this point i am just lying as i dont know... I have never seen her in so much pain... I never seen her so pale and sick... She looks just miserable... 

Just a few hours ago we had breakfast and made plans for the day... We would unpack some boxes... And that is what we did... And all of a sudden this... She took a turn for the worse quickly... She went from a little discomfort to agony... But i start to wonder... Was she in agony all along... Did i miss that? Has she been putting up a front. Was she downplaying how she felt... I should have pushed... I should have put my foot down and taken her to a doctor...

I dont know how much time has gone by when someone walks in with a piece of paper and shows the doctor... The whisper something and both point at the paper... The doctor says something else, and the man disappears again..."Dr. Walsh... You are pregnant... We are going to do an ultrasound to see what is going on..." The doctor says as the man that came in with the papers now drags a machine into the room and starts setting it up... I am just stunned... 

"Pregnant?" I whisper in shock and Mya looks at me equally shocked... But we get ignored as the doctor grabs the machine positioning it and a nurse pushes up Mya's shirt wasting no time... Mya looks around in panic but doesn't stop them. A substance gets put on her stomach... A gel like substance... Mya looks at me again with panic in her eyes... 

"No... No, that can't be... I have an implant... I am on birth control..." Mya groans almost panicked, and the doctor gives her a small smile... "Dr. Walsh we both know that nothing is 100 % full proof..." He says and she groans again... 

"This might hurt..." He says and i want to punch him in the face for hurting her even more as he moves this stick over her stomach... I take a deep breath to fight every urge to just go crazy and yell at them to stop hurting her... I keep telling myself that they are doing this to help her... She winces breathing heavy and fighting every urge to scream out... She squeezes my hand tightly and i kiss her forehead again... "It will be okay... It will be okay..." I whisper on the verge of tears. I am not a doctor but even i understand that something is not right... That this pregnancy will probably will not become full term... Maybe she is having a miscarriage... 

My heart sinks at that idea... The idea of losing a baby on the same day as we find out is painful... But i rather have Mya be okay... I need her to be okay... The idea of Mya not being okay is even more painful. "Chris..." Mya says panicked and i kiss her... "I am scared... It hurts so much..." She whispers her voice so small it is barely audible... "You will be okay baby girl... You will be okay..." I murmur... But then the doctor interrupts and it is way worse... 

"Dr. Walsh... It is ectopic, a tubal ectopic pregnancy..." The doctor says and i look at her and then at the doctor... "What does that mean... English... please!" I say frustrated... "Chris, it means that the embryo is not in my uterus but in the fallopian tube..." Mya says her voice shaky and the doctor nods... 

"I dont like the way it looks... I dont want to try medication i think we should go the surgical route... I want to move you straight up to surgery..." He says and my heart sinks... Surgery... She needs surgery... I stumble as it feels like the wind is knocked out of me... This is bad... This is really bad... She is pregnant but it is not good... She needs surgery... I feel myself getting dizzy, and a nurse walks over to me and forces me to sit down... "Breathe..." The nurse whispers and i shake my head... I can't break down now... Mya needs me... I take a deep breath and open my eyes and kiss Mya's hand... "It will be okay... You will be okay..." I whisper... Mya is in tears... Her doctor side has gone, and she is now fully scared... I can see it in her eyes...