Married, on paper.

9. A glimpse

Another restless night staring at the ceiling unable to sleep. My mind is spinning and all i can think about is Mya. At first i tried to fight it but i gave up hours ago... I look at the time and see it is 3 in the morning... I smile as another memory floods my mind... 

*** Flashback ***

I wake up and reach out to Mya to pull her close... But as i feel for her, i realize she is not in bed... I sit up and look around the room... She is not here... I get up and go to find her... She is not in the living room or kitchen and for a moment i panic... That is until a gush of wind, although warm makes me shiver... The door to the backyard is open and when i walk towards it i see her lying in the grass... It is a warm summer night and as i look up i can see the sky is clear... 

I watch her for a second smiling as she is humming her legs propped up as she is laying on her back... I walk over and she looks at me smiling. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask laying down next to her and she nods... "Yeah sorry... Did i wake you?" She asks and i smile... "I woke up because i missed you next to me..." I whisper and she has the biggest smile on her face but rolls her eyes... I smile as she takes my hand lacing her fingers with mine as we just stare at the sky... 

"Looking at the sky... You just realize how tiny we are..." She whispers and i smile... Then a shooting star flashes through the sky... "Shooting star... Make a wish..." I whisper and she turns her head towards me... "Dont have to..." She whispers with nothing but love and adoration in those beautiful green eyes. "No?" I ask and she shakes her head leans in and kisses me... "I got everything i wish for right here..." She whispers as we break the kiss and i blush... 

"I love you so much..." I whisper and she smiles... "Love you to..." She says and i roll on top of her kissing her passionately while she wraps her arms and legs around me holding me as close as possible...

*** End flashback ***

I sigh and smile as i think about how we made love in the grass... I can feel my body heat up just thinking about it... I smile as i think about the grass stains on her ass afterwards... I groan as my dick gets hard as i can see it like it was yesterday...  My body has a mind of its own. God what is happening... My body is reacting as a teenager who just found the lingerie section in a catalogue... 

I groan again as flashes of Mya moaning my name while wrapped around me flood my mind... I dip my hand in my sweats wrapping it around my shaft. Once again i start jerking myself off this time not caring if i moan out her name... There is no one here to hear me... I imagine my hand being her pussy squeezing my tight... I pull my hand back and spit in it before i continue...  I am breathing heavy sweat dripping down my face yet again as i bite my lip grunting and groaning...

I imagine her hands all over me to eventually land on my ass digging her nails in as she begged me to go deeper... Her soft moans... I stroke myself up and down groaning... God how i wished she was here... How i wished the last 9 years did not happen and i could back to that morning and do everything differently... I pick up speed and block the guilt that was washing over me... Right now, there is only one thing i need. A release... I imagine pushing into her desperately as i am close only to come after she has filling her up....

I come in my hand and groan moaning Mya's name... I am breathing heavy my chest rapidly going up and down... My body is sweaty and when i look at the time it is 3.30... I sigh and wipe myself clean before turning around and finally i fall asleep although lightly... My dreams filled with Mya's smiling face... For a while it is a really nice dream but soon her beautiful face changes and the smile turns into her pleading me with tears streaming down her face... Begging me not to go and asking me why i left her... Asking me why i hurt her so much. That i was the only person she ever told what had happened in her youth and how i could use that against her in a moment of weakness... In a moment of doubt...

I gasp and sit up... I look at the time and it is 5.30 in the morning... I groan and get out of bed not wanting to sleep anymore... I hop in the shower and let the hot water run over my body as i put my hands on the wall... I just stand there hoping that the water will wash all the guilt i am feeling away... I want to scream as i feel like i am going crazy... These dreams or nightmares have to stop. 

When i get out the shower i get dressed... I grab my stuff and make my way out... I walk down and wave to the lady behind the desk. I walk to my rental car and sigh... I start the car and make my way into town... I have to eat something and i didn't want to wait two hours for breakfast. That and i need to get out to not be alone with my thoughts. They scare me... All i can think about is Mya and it had not gone unnoticed by myself that Genevieve was the furthest thing on my mind. Were i had felt guilty about that at first... I did not anymore... But maybe that is because i kept telling myself that i was here with a goal and the thought of seeing Mya again was messing with my mind... After i had my closure i could go home and move on... Then i could close this chapter and start a new one in my life with Genevieve...

I follow the instructions the lady had given me which were fairly simple and arrive at the diner... It is cute and i walk in. The waitress smiles and tells me to pick any seat and i find a spot in the back tucked away, the diner is not busy only a handful of people are eating and most of them look like hikers who are fueling up for the day.  

"You are not from around here..." The waitress says as she comes by and i give her a forced smile... "No... Just visiting..." I say and she smiles... "Well welcome... What can i get you..." She says and i smile... "Coffee and i was told the pancakes were the best in whole Yellowstone..." I say giving her my most charming smile and she chuckles... "You have been talking to Betty from the lodge..." She says and i nod... "Okay coffee and pancakes coming up..." She leaves only to come back a second later to fill my cup... I smile as people are so nice and welcoming here and even when they do recognize me, they dont show it... It is nice... 

About 20 minutes later she brings my my pancakes and i thank her. It tastes delicious and i come to the conclusion that Betty was not biased. When i nearly have finished my plate i hear the chime on the door... "Hey Doc... Your order will be ready in a second..." I hear the girl who served me say... "That is okay Sarah take your time..." I hear and it is like a punch to the gut knocking the wind out of me... My head snaps up and there she is... Mya...

It feels like time has slowed down as she whips her hair over her shoulder laughing about something the waitress has said... God she hasn't changed a bit... The same long brown hair in waves over her shoulder. Her smile brightens up the room... She looks so beautiful just in jeans and a t-shirt and a flannel... So simply and casually dressed and yet so beautiful... I am frozen unable to move as i just look at her... She doesn't see me as she is in her conversation with the waitress... All i can do is watch her as i am glued to my seat... 

She gets a bag handed to her and she smiles... "Give Oliver a hug and kiss from me, yeah..." The waitress says and Mya chuckles. "Will do... See you tomorrow..." Mya says as she walks out the door disappearing from my sight... My mind is spinning as she is gone... My heart is pounding in my chest and the adrenaline pumping... She had not seen me but i had seen her and if i wasn't confused about all these feelings i had, i am now. But God she looked beautiful... Smiling and her voice... Her voice still sounded so, so sweet... The waitress called her doc... But the last time i remembered she was a nurse... Maybe she went to medical school... It has been 9 years after all... 

But the biggest question running through my mind... Who the fuck is Oliver... The thought of her having moved on irks me. As ridiculous as it is i feel jealous... She is mine... I am better then fucking Oliver... She is mine... Mine... Mine... She is mine... My mind screams at me...