Married, on paper.

45. The first fall storm

I wake up in the middle of the night. I want to turn and cuddle with Mya but as i reach for her she is not there... We had fallen asleep cuddled up. After her surprise and our little talk i was just over the moon and i had been a little clingy. I just never thought i would feel happiness like that ever again.... 

I sit up and look around the room. The bathroom lights are off, so she is not there. I get up and walk to Oliver's room thinking she will be there... But as i peek inside he is sound asleep and alone...I smile and walk over tuck him in as the blanket had slipped off of him. I smile thinking about the talk we had with Oliver. All in sign language of course as he still could not wear his new processor. To say he was ecstatic was an understatement. When Mya asked what he would think about moving here, she had to calm him down as he was way too excited. He hugged Mya tightly before hugging me... He was just as happy as we were... 

I sneak out of the room and then i hear a sound coming from the kitchen... I follow the sound and find Mya sitting in the kitchen windowsill. Fall had really started now, and it was pouring out... The wind was pounding on the windows. The first fall storm... Mya hadn't noticed me as i stand there watching her... She was cuddled up in a blanket her hair in a messy bun on top of her head and she was wearing one of my shirts... She looks beautiful sitting there in the dim lighting... But then i see it... A tear running down her cheek... I watch more closely and see she has the folder with our divorce papers clutched to her chest... I had been so mesmerized watching her but now that i pay better attention my heart sinks... She is softly sobbing while staring out the window. 

"Mya?" I softly whisper and she jumps a little quickly drying her tears and pushing the folder aside... "Hey what is going on?" I whisper and she shakes her head and forces a smile... "Nothing... Why are you up?" She asks and i sigh and walk over... "Baby... Why are you crying...?" I whisper and she blushes shrugging her shoulders... "It is stupid..." She mumbles and i sigh. 

I move her a bit forward and sit behind her pulling her between my legs and against my chest before wrapping the blanket around the both of us... "Want to talk about it..." I whisper taking the folder from her hands and she sighs, taking my arms wrapping them around her... "It is stupid..." She whispers again as if she is a little reluctant to talk... 

"Whatever it is i am sure it is not stupid..." I mumble and she sighs planting a kiss on my arm... She plays with my hands lacing her fingers with mine... I stay silent giving her a minute knowing she needs a moment to gather her thoughts and think on how to say something... 

"It is stupid because i pushed for this..." She says motioning to the divorce papers i had laid beside us. "Yes, because you were right... Fresh start..." I mumble and she sighs... "Then why do i hate it... Why does it hurt. It feels like someone has dug a knife in my chest and every time i think about it they turn it a little more..." She whispers her voice sounding so small and a sob escapes her... I am a little surprised as until now she had handled it all better than me... 

"It was it all of a sudden hit me..." She says another sob leaving her... "We are divorced..." She says gasping for air as she is now full-on sobbing... "We are finally happy and divorced. It is just so fucking stupid... It is so fucking confusing as it is so counter intuitive..." She says through her tears... I dont know what to say so i just hold her planting a kiss on her shoulder every now and then. I just listen... I just let her get it all out remembering my mother's words... Sometimes all you need to do is listen... 

"I just didn't think it would hit me so hard..." She says and i wrap my arms tighter around her... "It is okay baby..." I mumble and kiss her temple... She looks over her shoulder even tear stained she looks beautiful... I softly press my lips on hers and she lets my hand go before cupping my face... "Why were we so stupid... We lost so much time together..." She says pleading with me for an answer i can't give her... "I dont know baby... I dont know... We just were really, really, really stupid... But we are not stupid anymore..." I mumble and she sighs and cuddles into me again... She has calmed down a little bit. 

We sit there in silence looking out the window... Watching the dark world outside in utter chaos as the trees sway in the wind while the rain pours down... "I love fall..." She mumbles and i smile... "I know... Does Oliver?" I say smiling. "No... He is more a summer child... Loves all the outdoor activities of the summer... Loves swimming and camping... We have a kayak back home. That was an early birthday gift last year... He loved it... I aged 10 years due to that thing..." She mumbles and i chuckle... "No, you haven't... You still look beautiful..." I mumble and she turns to look at me and grins... "I said i got older Evans... Not less beautiful..." She says and i laugh as the mischievous twinkle is back in her eyes... "Of course, my bad... Bad Chris..." I say and she giggles...

"Do you already have a gift for his birthday this year?" I ask and she sighs... "I had something in mind... But i wanted to talk to you about it first... Not that i think you will object..." She says and it piques my interest... "What is it?" I ask and she smirks... "I told you about Toby our dog who died..." She mumbles and i nod... "Oliver was not ready for another dog... But the other day he talked about getting a dog again... It was just a quick remark... But i was thinking..." She whispers and i get excited... "You want to get him a dog?" I ask and she nods... "A dog it is..." I say a big smile on my face, and she giggles... "It is a gift for... Oliver..." She says and i chuckle before another comfortable silence surrounds us...

"Dont you think it is crazy how after all these years and with everything that happened it just feels so easy..." She mumbles and i smile... "No... not crazy at all..." I say and plant a kiss on her shoulder as pulls the blanket around us a little tighter... I lace my fingers with hers again... "I love you Mya... Always have and i am never letting you go again... You and Oliver..." I whisper and she smiles... "Dont forget our future dog..." She giggles and i laugh and start to tickle her... "No i love you back..." I growl as i place kisses everywhere i can while tickling her making her squeal... 

"Ssssh... You will wake..." I start to say but quickly shut up as i realize what i was about to say...  Mya starts to laugh even harder... "The look on your face..." She says and laughs even more... She is now wiping away tears... But this time they are of joy... "I love you to..." She says when she stopped laughing and kisses me... "I just forget sometimes..." I mumble blushing. She kisses me again... "That is okay... It is a good thing, i think... It means that his deafness doesn't define him to you..." She says and i smile... "Of course, not... He is my kid... I love him no matter what... So, what he needs a device to hear... Doesn't make him any less my kid or any less in general..." I mumble and Mya smiles. 

"We should get back to bed..." I say and she shakes her head and cuddles into me adjusting the blanket again... "Just a few more minutes..." She says and i smile. "Anything you want, baby. Anything you want..." I mumble happy that her sadness is gone...