Married, on paper.

10. Oh boy.

I just stare at the door Mya walked out of... I wanted to walk up to her, but my body was not working with me. What was i even going to say in the middle of the diner... I didn't want to cause a scene... Something tells me she would not be smiling at me like the way she did to the waitress. If she still is the spitfire she was when we were together, she would not be holding back. But God she looked beautiful and all the feelings i ever had for her came rushing back. 

I have lost my appetite and push my plate back. My body is starting to shake as the adrenaline is leaving my body... I never would have thought seeing her again would have this much of an impact. I start to feel like a freight train had run over me... She hadn't changed one bit, to be honest part of me had hoped she did so that it would make this all easier but of course not... It was like time had stood still for her... It was like she had barely aged... Hearing her talk and laugh had taken my breath away. She had this light around her making her look like an angel... Or maybe i just imagined that while going crazy... 

Crazy because of all the feelings and desires brooding inside of me... All i could think she is mine and officially she is... Officially on paper she is my wife... She is mine... Not this Oliver guy... Mine... The thought of another man holding her, kissing her, touching her has me fuming... Does he make her come like i do... Does he know what she likes... Does she trust him enough to do whatever he wants... Like she trusted me... Before i left her... God i left her... What the fuck did i do... I only have myself to blame.

"You okay honey?" The waitress says pulling me out of my daze... I look up at her... "Uh yeah, yeah i am fine..." I mumble feeling caught... I wipe my mouth putting my napkin on the plate... "Betty was right best pancakes ever..." I say while she takes the plate and looks at me studying my face... "Are you sure you are okay?  You look like you have seen a ghost..." She says and i force myself to smile... 

I put money on the table, and she looked at me shocked... "Honey that is too much, let me get you your change...." She says as i stand up putting my coat back on. "No... It is for you..." I say smiling and she blushes. I smile and walk out while the waitress wishes me a good day...

The fresh air hits me like a ton of bricks and i take a deep breath. The clean air fills my lungs and i breath out... But realization set in that if i would go to the address i got for her she would probably not be home. She is probably off to work... Doc? The waitress called her, and it piques my interest... Had she become a doctor?  If anyone would make a great doctor it would be Mya... Her compassion and caring nature would be perfectly suited... 

I get in my car and sigh. What to do... I decide to at least check the address out... So, i put the address in the GPS and take off... As i follow the directions my mind is racing on what to say when i finally see her face to face... But what do you say to someone whose heart you broke. How do you even start...

Hi long time no see...? Hello my dear wife?... Or should i just rip the band aid off?  Hello Mya... Sorry to show up out of nowhere after 9 years but i need your signature... Suprise we are still married... I groan and pull over. I need a moment as i start to feel frustrated... I had been so caught up in finding her and getting here. That i never really imagined what i was going to say. 

I take a few deep breaths pulling myself together. I am overthinking this. It will probably come naturally... Will it? Oh god she is going to shut the door in my face... She will not be happy to see me... Not like i was when i saw her even if it was from a distance... 

I continue my way and as the GPS tells me to turn left a cute house appears... I drive closer until i come to a standstill in front of it... It is blue and i immediately know it is her house... It is painted in Mya's favorite color... Midnight blue... A dark blue that reminds you of the midnight sky... All it is missing is stars... The yard is well kept, and the house neatly maintained. I smile as it looks like everything she ever wanted. The house with the white picket fence... Literally, as a white fence surrounds the property. You can see she takes pride in her home... It oozes her personality... 

I am sitting in my car and for a moment my anxiety gets the best of me and i think about turning around and driving off... The idea of getting divorced from her becomes unbearable. I dont want it... I want her... Oh god i want her... I can't... I am engaged... I scold myself for my way of thinking... The idea to show up after 9 years and thinking it would be a happy ever after is ridiculous... It is the stuff out of movies and dreams... A beautiful dream, but that is all it ever will be... We are going to divorce and i will go home and get married to Genevieve... 

I groan as the idea of spending the rest of my life with Genevieve is suffocating... God how did this happen... 48 hours ago i was perfectly content with my life and now... Now i just feel dread... Even telling myself it will get better as soon as this is over and a closed chapter is not cutting it anymore. 

I sigh and take a deep breath getting out of the car... I take the folder with divorce papers and walk through the gate... At least i could try... I look at the mailbox and smile as it says Dr. Walsh... She is a doctor... She became a doctor... I walk to the front door but suddenly a realization sets in... What if she is not home but this Oliver is... What if they life together...  Would she have told him about me... Anxiety rises inside of me... 

But i have to do this, i have to get this over with. As much as i dont want to right now these papers need to be signed... I am delusional if i think we just can leave it like this... Maybe she is home... I look around for a bell and see two... One labeled Dr. office and the other labeled private. She must have her practice here at the house... I take a deep breath and press the one labeled private. 

I hear the sound filling the house, followed by voices... Then footsteps and i swear i am going to pass out as it gets harder to breath due to the anticipation... The door slowly opens and i have to look down... Where i expected Mya or a man i look down at a little boy... A little boy with blue eyes and brown hair... A big smile on his face... 

"Hello..." I manage to croak out stunned and i shock and the boy's eyes grow wide... "MA!!! Captain America is at the door!!!" He yells ... His yelling is followed by a loud crash and something breaking... He leaves the door open as he runs back in the house... I just stand there frozen... Unable to move my mind racing... That little boy... That little boy... That little boy looks like... "Me..." I whisper...