Married, on paper.

57. All i need is for you to be okay.

Everything has gone so fast from the moment the doctor had said that Mya was going up to surgical floor... It was like getting on a fast-moving train and not being able to get off... It was out of our control and the train was only speeding up. I follow behind as Mya gets wheeled up. A doctor and nurse joining us. She gets wheeled into a room... I think that we both are in a bit of shock as we had not expected this. I dont know what Mya thought was wrong but i dont think she had thought about this being an option... We didn't even know she was pregnant... Although can you count this as being pregnant... I mean i was told that the baby had no chance. It never had. 

I am in a daze trying my best to keep Mya calm and i keep telling her everything will be okay... She is crying and keeps saying sorry to me... She doesn't have to... I keep telling her she has nothing to be sorry about... It is not something she has control over. I know she knows that but right now all rational thinking has gone out the window... 

When the surgeon comes in to talk to us telling us what is going to happen and all the risks, she begs him to at least safe the fallopian tube...  That we want more kids to please do everything they can to safe it... Then i see it... The fear in her eyes... Not just a little going into surgery fear.... But the kind of fear for the future... The fear i would leave her if this goes from bad to worse... All of a sudden i realize why she keeps saying sorry and it breaks my heart...

"Baby, listen to me... I need you to be okay..." I whisper but she shakes her head... "You want more kids... You always wanted this big family... I want to give you that... I want you to experience holding a baby... Seeing a baby grow up... I took that from you with Oliver... I am so sorry... I am so sorry..." She sobs and i sigh and shake my head... "That means nothing if you are not here...  I dont care about any future children if that means i am losing you... They need to get you better... You are my number 1 priority right now... You and Oliver... There are other ways to have kids and if push comes to shove i am happy with you and Oliver... Dont be sorry... You and Oliver are all i need..." I whisper to her holding her hand kissing her forehead and she starts crying again... 

"I am going to do everything i can to safe the tube... Dont worry removing it is always a last resort..." The surgeon says and i nod... A nurse walks in with paperwork and Mya looks up at her as she hands them to her to sign... "I need paperwork that Chris is allowed to make decisions in case i can't... I need him to make the decisions... Under no circumstances i want my family here... My father was abusive my mom abandoned me... I am not going into surgery before that is handled..." She groans and the nurse looks at me and then back at Mya... "I will make note of it in your file and i will bring some temporary paperwork to give him the right to make decisions when you can't... But the doctors are really good so it will probably not be needed..." The nurse says giving her a reassuring smile, but Mya won't budge... She refuses to sign consent until it is handled... 

It freaks me out but i understand... With our divorce her family would be the one to make medical decisions in case she could not... She has no contact, nor does she want it... Not even with her mother. She dont want them to show up. Besides i share her fear that her dad would pull the plug just to spite her to spite me... He would make decisions she would never make just to torment her some more... I met the man once when he showed up... It was a few months into our relationship... The news had gotten out about me and Mya back then and her dad saw an opportunity to get some money out of it. He said he would go to the press and sell her story if we didn't give him 100.000 dollars... Mya had just laughed in his face and told him to fuck off... That if he wanted to do that to go right ahead but that it was not going to work in his favor... He had gotten angry but never did go to the press... We both knew why... In that story he was the villain... He would be crucified and besides not getting money he would lose everything because Mya had the proof to back up her version of the story, better known as the truth...

The nurse leaves, and the surgeon goes to prep leaving Mya and i alone for a split second... "Why was i so insistent on this freaking divorce again...?" She groans and i give her a small smile... "I have no clue..." I whisper and kiss her... "I love you baby... So, so much and that will never change not matter what..." I say and the nurse walks in with some paperwork... Mya reads through it and she signs putting my name down... I sign to and then it is time for them to prep her for surgery... "Chris... If you need to make decisions and you dont understand... Call John, have them call John... He is probably working today her in the hospital... He will explain everything and will help you..." Mya says and i smile with tears in my eyes and nod... "Dont tell Oliver i am in surgery... It will only freak him out..." She says and i nod again...

I watch her getting ready for surgery and i feel so restless... Before they take her out of the room, she stops them... She takes my hand... "I love you Chris... Always have, always will... If something goes wrong..." She says and i shake my head... "No... Dont say that... Nothing goes wrong i will see you when you wake up." I say interrupting her and she smiles through her pain... "Listen to me... If something goes wrong... Tell Oliver i am sorry... That i love him more than life itself... Protect him and keep him away from my family... Give him the childhood i never had..." She says and i nod... 

"I promise... But nothing is going to happen... See you when you get back..." I whisper and kiss her... "Love you baby girl..." I murmur and she smiles... "Love you to... Being married to you although unconventional was the best thing i ever did... You gave me the best gift ever... Our son... I love you..." She says and i kiss her again... "I love you to... But you better come back to me... I lived 9 years without you... I now got you back, so you better not leave me..." I say and she smiles and kisses me again before being wheeled off to surgery...

As soon as the door closes behind her i am alone... All alone... And i break down...