Married, on paper.

40. Frustrations boiling over

Mya was putting Oliver to bed. Oliver loved the aquarium. I understand now what Mya said about his passion for animals. He had the biggest smile on his face running around not knowing where to start first. He wanted to know everything and read all the signs with information studying all the animal's way longer than any other kid....  So, we did that together learning about all the animals and fish. On our way back home, we picked up some pizza. After we ate i watched a movie with Oliver while Mya was checking up on things back home.

But now i was pacing up and down the kitchen waiting for Mya to come back from putting Oliver to bed. He had been struggling trying to stay awake, but he had been so tired from running around all day that he couldn't keep his eyes open. He wanted mommy and she had carried him to bed... It was almost comical to see her carry him... He was probably too big for her to carry, and she struggled a bit, but she still did it anyway. 

The whole day i had tried to focus on Oliver but still out of the corner of my eye i watched her... She was focused on Oliver to smiling at him and all only for the smile to falter as soon as his back was turned to him. When our eyes would meet i could see nothing, but sadness and she would look away quickly... 

Mya appeared in the kitchen and i sigh... She just walks past me to make herself a cup of tea... Here we go... I thought to myself... "Mya? Can we please talk now..." I say and she stops moving... "What is there to talk about..." She whispers and i groan. "A lot... There is a lot to talk about..." I say a little frustrated.  "I have been going crazy all day..." I say and she takes a deep breath and turns around at me... "I am tired Chris..." She whispered and i sigh... "Right... Tired..." I say rolling my eyes... 

"Chris i barely slept and today had been a long day... I just wanted a cup of tea and go to bed..." She says exasperated and i run my hand over my face... "Do you think i got any sleep last night?" I say a little frustrated... "Dont you think i am tired...?!" I say now sounding desperate... "Not even 24 hours ago..." I say gasping for air as the next thing i am getting out of my mouth makes it hard to breath... "Not even 24 hours ago i was on top of the world... Even if we took it slow i had you back.... I had you and our amazing son... And now... And now..." I say and she walks over to me... "And now you still have your son..." She says and when i look in her eyes i see pain... The same pain i have... 

"Chris... So much has happened... I can never give you those years back..." She says and i groan... "I didn't mean it like that... I dont blame you... It came out all wrong..." I say and she sighs and i can see that she doesn't believe me... "But it came out anyway... " She says and i sigh... "I dont fucking blame you..." I say again my raising my voice a little bit.... "Yes, you do...!" She says matching my volume tearing up and i roll my eyes... I am not getting through... 

"For fuck's sake... What happened to there is no one to blame...?" I say and she looks up at me a little stunned... "What happened to, we are not looking back... To we can't change the past and only look to the future..." I say desperately and taking a step closer... "I dont know... I dont know what happened to all of that... But when you said i missed 9 years with all that pain in your voice it just hit me... It just hit me and i dont know how we are going to get ever past that..." She starts to say and i step closer... "The guilt is eating me alive... I dont deserve you... I dont think it is in the card for us..." She whispers and i feel myself getting angry. I said i dont blame her, but she keeps pushing that without listening and i can't shake the feeling there is something else... Especially after what i witnessed this morning... She keeps saying that i blame her but what if it is that John guy... I feel the anger boil up inside of me... "Bullshit...!" I yell and she looks at me shocked. "Bullshit?" She asks...

"Is there something else you are not telling me..." I say towering over her looking down at her... "Like what?" She whispers confused and caught off guard... "Did you all of a sudden remember that we were going to see your 'friend' today..." I growl... "What?" She says confused as if she has no idea what i am talking about. "Your doctor friend..." I growl and i know i am not being reasonable anymore but i need to know. "What are you talking about...?" She asks acting all innocent and confused...

"Oh, come on... The hug that looked way more than just an ordinary hug... Laughing at his jokes... Touching his arm... You little inside jokes... Obviously flirting with each other..." I growl and she rolls her eyes and pushes past me to create distance... "Did you guys used to be a thing? Did he fuck you?" She stops dead in her tracks... "What did you just say?" She hisses with venom in her voice, and it takes me a back a little bit but i double down... 

"Oh, come on it was so obvious..." I growl and she scoffs... "You have some balls i will give you that... You are being ridiculous..." She mumbles and i grab her by her arm and pull her against me... "Yes... I know... I know... I know i am ridiculous... But you are driving me crazy... The thought of you with him...." I say and she rolls her eyes again... It drives me crazy as i imagine her eyes rolling back in her head as she comes... Fuck if she would let me i would fuck her right here right now and make her forget all about this guy... John who?

"Did he kiss you like i did... Did he touch you like i did... Did he made you scream his name as you came..." I growl in a low dark tone... "Stop it! Stop it...!" She growls and pushes me off... "Did you love him..." I push again and she loses it her eyes go dark and she steps closer... "Unlike you Christopher...!" She yells hitting my chest with both hands... "I did not fuck around...!" She hisses followed by her hitting my chest again... "You...!" Another shove... "You were the one who had his dick in another woman a week after you left me...!!" Another shove... "You were the one who was about to marry someone else...!!!" Another hit to my chest and as it hurt i let her as i was just in shock... She was hitting me hard and sounded angry and in pain... "I had fucking other things on my fucking mind... Unlike you... I did not have the time or the urge to fuck around..." She screams shoving me again... "You were the one who got over me so easily..." She screams and as she is about to hit my chest again i grab her wrists. 

"You think that...?" I growl breathing heavy... "You think i got over you?" I say as we stand there in a standoff... She says nothing as we just stare at each other in a standoff... I can't take it anymore and release her wrists and grab her face and kiss her... I pour all the pent-up emotion and frustration of the day into the kiss and for a moment she goes along with it a soft moan escaping her. For a split second she melts into me... But all of a sudden, she shoves me off of her... I am breathing heavy... So is she... 

For a second, we stand there both breathing heavy the tension in the air thick... I am waiting for her to start yelling at me... But instead, she grabs my shirt pulls me in and crashes her lips on mine again... Fireworks... Fireworks and passion... Raw passion... We both pour all our frustration and pent-up sexual tension into the kiss... I put my hand on her lower back pulling her against me as close as possible her arms wrapping around my neck, her hands in my hair...

"I.... I never..." I mumble into the kiss, and she groans cutting me off... "Shut up Chris..." She growls before deepening the kiss....