Married, on paper.

17. Decision time.

"A son?" Ma says shocked... "You have a son?!" She says in disbelief... She stands up and looks at me stunned... and paces up and down 2 times before stopping in front of me... "Mya... Mya... Mya had your baby?" She says and i nod... "Oh god..." Ma says in utter shock... "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure..." She asks and for the first time i chuckle... "Ma... He looks like me... It was like staring in the mirror at my younger self..." I whisper and she sits down again. I think she has the same look on her face i did when Oliver opened the door... 

"What are you going to do?" She asks and i tear up again... "Nothing..." I whisper and ma looked at me stunned... "What do you mean nothing?" She yelled in disbelief and i sigh... "She begged me to leave... Signed the paperwork and wished me all the happiness... He doesn't know who i am... Only knows me as Captain America..." I whisper and ma takes in a sharp breath... 

"She begged me not to come back... Saying that leaving her in Vegas almost killed her... That Oliver is all she has and all she wants in live... I killed any notion of letting people to close in her life... That she is a good mother... She begged me not to take him from her... It was heartbreaking. She kept saying i am a good mother... She kept repeating it over and over again..." I whisper. 

Ma gasps and looks at the floor... "She thinks you would take him from her...?" Ma whispered shocked and i nodded..."Poor girl... She must have been so scared..." Ma whispers and i sigh... "You wouldn't? Would you?" She says and i look at her shocked... "No! Never... But ma... The things i said to her that day in Vegas... I was so cruel... I can't really blame her for thinking that... I told her she was like her mom, selfish... That she never should have kids because of who her parents were..." I whisper and ma looks at me with big eyes... 

"Christopher Robert Evans...!!" She scolds me... "You never told me that...! How could you! You know how much she was struggling with coming to terms that she had no normal family... I didn't raise you to say things like that..." She says in a high-pitched screech and i look down in shame... "You and i both know that she turned in this amazing woman despite her upbringing... I dont even think her mom was entirely selfish... She was desperate and abused and in order to save herself..." Ma said with tears in her eyes and stops talking mid-sentence... "I know... I know... I was an ass... I only thought about myself... I am the selfish one... Just like i am now..." I say a little louder then intended and ma looks at me confused... "Why are you the selfish one now?" 

"Because... Ma... I dont know what to do... I promised her... But i can't get her and Oliver out of my mind... Seeing Mya... Seeing Mya with Oliver... It was like a slap to the face and i only have myself to blame... I can't hurt her again... I dont want to but it is killing me... It is killing me to know i have a son... Not only that. All the feelings i have for Mya. All the feelings i pushed down so far... They are all back with a vengeance... Ma please tell me what to do... Please i need you to tell me what to do..." I whisper... "I can't make the decision... I am going crazy..." I say in a small voice looking at ma pleading as i wish i was that little boy again that didn't have to make decisions... Ma looks at me shocked her eyes staring back at me, soft and caring...

"Chris... I can't tell you what to do... I know what i would do but i can't tell you... You have to figure this out yourself baby..." She says caressing my cheek and i hang my head... "I just dont know... My mind is all over the place... My heart is all over the place... I want to be respectful of her decisions... But... But he is my son... Would it be wrong wanting to be part of his life?"

"That is not wrong..." Ma says letting out a sigh and we sit there for a second in silence. "What does Genevieve think about all this... She must not be happy..." Ma says and i scoff... "I haven't told her. Besides she doesn't care... As long as i buy her shit..." I say bitterly standing up looking outside and running my hand through my hair... 

"What do you mean?" Ma asks and i sigh... "You know after Mya... I... Well, you know how i was... And then Genevieve came along... I loved that she was simple... I knew how to keep her happy... I knew how to fix things with her... She was/is easy..." I say and ma sighs... "Chris... Love... Real love is not always easy... It takes work and communication..." She says and i put my hands on my hips and hang my head... 

"My sweet sometimes idiot boy... Let me ask you this... If you look into the future... Forget about Genevieve... Forget about Mya and Oliver... What do you see when you close your eyes... What kind of woman do you want by your side... An easy one, who only loves you when the content of your wallet is sufficient... Or a woman who loves you... For you... A woman who maybe not always might be the easiest but who you know no matter what loves you... Who challenges you... Or a woman who on paper looks good... Do you want a relationship that is filled with love, passion and happiness or an emotionally empty easy relationship avoided of real love..." Ma says and i close my eyes... I close my eyes and imagine a future... Not that i dont already know the answer to that... 

I open my eyes and look at ma who looks back at me... "Again, i can't make this decision for you... But i think you know what to do... And whatever you decide... Whether i agree or not... I will support you..." She says and i nod... "Thanks ma... But how can i call everything off now... The church has been booked... Everything is ready to go... I might doubt my relationship with Genevieve... But part of me still cares..." I say finally admitting to myself and to ma that i am not sure about marrying Genevieve anymore and for a second i think ma has a twinkle in her eyes. "It is just so confusing..." I say and ma sighs... "Chris... It is better to cancel things... Then to have to get a divorce... Again..." Ma says and i know she is right... I really do, but i was not looking forward to this conversation and the drama it would bring... All of a sudden disappearing and starting over didn't seem a bad idea...

But i had made up my mind... The wedding was off... I dont want to live the rest of my life with Genevieve... It was not fair to her either... Who wants to be married to a man who in his heart is with another woman. The only question in my mind now was how to bring it so it would cause the least amount of drama.