Married, on paper.

33. A little talk between father and son

I am putting Oliver to bed. He hadn't left my side the whole day since we told him. Board games in the afternoon followed by a movie night that was how our day looked like. It was heaven. Oliver had taken the news better than expected.  We had ordered stuff online for his room and i made a few calls for some more special items for his Captain America room. I had never expected that i would have a kid that would want a captain America room... It made me feel a little proud though and i was making sure he would have the best Captain America bedroom ever... When i said this Mya smiled. She joked that Oliver would be the most spoiled kid ever and i have to admit it was hard to not go overboard...

"Chris?" Oliver whispers as i tuck him in and am about to take his processor off. "Yeah bud..." I say and he sighs... "Are you mad at my mom...?" He whispers sounding a little sad and i am shocked. "No bud... What makes you think that...?" I say and he shrugs his little shoulders. "No buddy i am not mad at your mom... Are you?" I ask and he hesitates for a second before shaking his head. 

I sigh and my mind is racing, i can see the hesitation and it will not do... I dont want him to be mad at her because she took the brunt of the responsibility in our conversation with him. I had noticed that. She had not said a bad word about me... She could have told him i was the one who walked out on her. But she didn't. She just kept it as generic as possible and in that took most of the responsibility... Probably because she felt more guilty than she let on... So, after my talk with Oliver i should have a talk with her...

"Okay bud... Time for a serious talk again..." I say letting out a deep sigh and he looks at me a little anxious... I give him a reassuring smile... "You are not in trouble bud... I know everything must be confusing..." I say running my hand through his hair. "Just know you can always talk to me or your mom about it, okay..." I say and he nods before i take a deep breath...

"Your mom is not to blame for what happened... No one is to blame... So many things happened that you can't blame anyone.  9 years ago, i was an idiot..." I say and he giggles making me smile... "I was an idiot, and your mom was hurt... But your mom is so strong... She has raised you to be this amazing boy you are today... All on her own... That is pretty amazing, isn't it?" I ask him and he nods. "Has she ever not taken good care of you?" I ask and he shakes his head... I smile... "No... And you know why?" I ask and he blushes... "Because she loves me..." He whispers and i boop his nose again... "Bingo!" I say and he smiles... "That, and your mom is an amazing strong and smart woman... Your mom wanted what was best for you, but back then what was best for you was taking care of you herself. So, she could be the best mommy she could be... And i think you agree with me when i say she is the best mommy ever..." I say and he now gets the biggest smile on his face and nods... "Me and your mom are okay now, but that is because a long time has passed since everything happened... We were both a lot younger and a lot stupider..." I say smirking and he giggles... "You are not stupid..." He whispers and i smile... 

"Thank you bud..." I say and ruffle his hair... "It comes down to this... We can't change what happened in the past... But we can do better in the future. And your mom and i will do everything in our power to do better in the future... But whatever happens she will be your mom and i will be your dad... And we will always love you very much... That will never change... ever..." I say and he sits up and hugs me... "I love you dad..." He whispers and i freeze but quickly wrap my arms around him and hug him tight... "I love you to bud..." I whisper holding him a little tighter.... "Dad... Can't breathe..." He says groaning and i chuckle and let him go... "Sorry bud..." I say blushing... "I am just so happy that you are here and that i get to know you..." I say and he smiles... 

"Are you coming to the hospital with us?" He asks as i tuck him in again and i smile and nod... "Of course, bud... I will be with you all the way..." I say and he smiles... "With my new processor i can connect to my iPad." He says all excited and i smirk... "That is awesome..." I say letting out a satisfied sigh... "But for now, it is time to go to sleep... Do you need help taking it off?" I ask and he shakes his head and takes it off... "I love you... Good night..." I sign and he smiles and signs back. "Good night dad..." Making me have to swallow hard as i feel all the emotions bubble to the surface again. He calls me dad... I am dad... I sometimes still can't believe it, it is so surreal... I am a dad... Not only am i a dad... Mya and i gotten closer. Baby steps but we are moving forward. 

As i stand up and walk to the door i look over my shoulder smiling... "My kid..." I mumble before turning of the light and leaving the door slightly ajar and the light on in the hallway so he can find his way if he wakes up... Maybe i can make my house feel saver for him. Not that i would mind the co sleeping but i hated the fact that he would not feel safe. 

I walk back to the living room, but Mya is not there. I find her sitting in the kitchen behind her laptop. She looks up and smile. "Everything okay?" She asks and i nod... "Yes... Everything is amazing..." I say smiling back at her... "He called me dad..." I say tearing up and Mya stands up and hugs me tight... "Congratulations... You are officially a dad now..." She whispers and i chuckle... "I am... I really am..." I say as tears stream down my face and i hug her a little tighter burying my face in her hair and taking a deep breath...