Married, on paper.

125. 3 babies are too much

I sigh as i walk into the bedroom where Mya is sleeping after a long day... I sit on the edge of the bed and watch her sleep. The day didn't end the way we had hoped and i dont know what to do or how to fix it... Mya had gone to bed early exhausted and emotionally drained... 

After telling Tyler and Sara... Or rather them finding it out, we had dinner... And during desert we told the boys about the triplets... Their reactions had not really been what we, or mostly Mya had expected or hoped for... We get it tho... 3 babies is a lot to take in. We get that it is a shock and maybe not something a teenage boy is really waiting for... But i could see Mya had been crushed and with the hormones racing in her body she was barely able to keep it together... 

When we told the boys we were pregnant they were a little happy at first... Not over the moon but smiling... But when we told them we were getting 3 their moods quickly soured... Oliver said that 3 babies were too much, and Kevin agreed but were i could see annoyance in Oliver's eyes there was fear in Kevin's... They asked why Mya did this to them, only blaming her and not me. Oliver asked if we could not just have one...  

At that point Mya was on the verge of tears and i had stepped in and told them to stop... I explained to them that it was not something you could choose... That i know it was a shock but blaming their mother was not nice... That i was just as much to blame... They had just shrugged their shoulders not even looking at us... 

We know 3 babies was a lot... It would not be easy but hearing that from the boys had seriously made Mya cry... She would not let the boys see her cry but as i was looking at her sleeping i could see she had been crying... She had excused herself from the conversations saying she was going to put Iris to bed... It was to early and i know that she went to not break down in front of the boys... I explained to the boys that it was not their mom's fault and that she did not deserve that... The boys had looked at me all guilty mumbling sorry, but the rest of the evening had been tense... It is not like i was mad at them... They are kids... They can't grasp it fully. They only think what it would change for them... And with their teen years coming... But still at that moment i was disappointed in them... I told them, that i get that it was a lot to process and i didn't expect them to jump for joy but still this was not nice... 

Tyler and Sara had tried to save the day and tell them it was a nice thing and that it didn't mean they were not important anymore, but it was no use... They were moping and we dropped the subject for now... Maybe it just needed to sink in... When Mya came back in, she just sat down... Mya had not said a word anymore and just sat on the couch while the boys, Sara, Tyler and i played boardgames... We always did that when they have had an outing with Sara and Tyler. It had become a little tradition... To end the day with the whole family... I initially wanted to cancel it, but Tyler convinced me to still do it. To show the boys that things still would be the same but with more people in the future... Mya didn't want to join, saying she was tired and not feeling well. An hour later she said she was tired and went to bed... 

The boys had looked all guilty and i told them it is okay. That mom was just tired... But when i put them to bed i had some one-on-one time with them... Oliver cried telling me we would not have time for him anymore... Kevin was once again scared he had to go... Kevin was consoled easily as i told him he would never have to leave... He is my kid just as much as Oliver and Iris... Just as much as the triplets... Oliver was a different story... I could not lie and tell him nothing would change... I could, but i would not... I only saw more trouble in the future coming from lying now... But i told him that we loved him so much... That the triplets were not to replace him and that the triplets would love him so much just like Iris did... This seemed to break down his wall a bit... 

I told him that of course with 3 babies we would be busy, and it would change some things but that we always would make time for him... That we always would be there for him... That he always would be my best bud... He told me how Joan, a girl in his class had gotten a brother and sister. That she never had time to play anymore and that she had to stop with her girl scouts because her mom told her she had to come home... That she always had to watch her brother and sister... Or help her mom by cleaning the house... I had sighed and hugged him. I told him we would not do that... That we would never force him to watch them... That all help was appreciated but that the triplets were not his responsibility... But that even when they were born, he would be too young for that responsibility... That mommy and i chose to have another baby so it was our responsibility... That he still could play soccer... That we still would come to his games... That he still could have play dates and we would still do fun things with him... That 3 babies were just as much a shock to us than to him... 

I think i got through to him a little, but i dont know... Only time would tell i guess... After putting the boys to bed i sat down and had a beer with Tyler... Sara had gone home as she was tired to and had to be up early for work... We talked for a bit, and he told me to give it time... That it was just a lot to take in and the boys need to process and i agreed... That i was not really worried about the boys right now... I told Tyler what i had discussed with Kevin and Oliver when i had tucked them into bed... But that i was more worried about how Mya was under this reaction... I know that the hormones were not helping with rationalizing it all... Tyler told me to give it all time and to maybe involve the boys with it all... To get used to it all and feel included... That Mya would be fine... She was strong and just needed time to process the boys' reactions...

After a few beers he had left to, and now i was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at Mya... I sigh and run my fingers through her hair... She stirs but does not wake up... I just sit there hoping it would all work out... That Tyler was right and that everyone just needed a little bit of time...