Married, on paper.

27. We are staying

Oliver wanted to play in the yard. He had seen the swing set i had for Carly's kids and gotten excited. So, after we had cleaned up what was left of the food we went outside. It was one of the last nice summer days. Warm enough to still play outside but there was already a chill in the air... I was pushing Oliver on the swing set while Mya sat on the porch with a cup of tea a blanket wrapped around her... She looked comfortable sitting on the big porch swing bench... Tucked away between all the pillows, her knees pulled up to her chest making herself as small as possible. 

I knew that she would love that thing. It was like a big bed with a pile of pillows turning it into a couch. It is hanging on chains secured to the beams above her... She loves being snug like a bug cuddled away... She loves autumn and sweater weather... She loves hot chocolate and reading a book in front of a fire preferably with candles lid all around the house, scented candles.  Or sitting in the windowsill as it was pouring out. Just staring out watching the world go by. Some of the trees were already changing color so autumn was not far away... That is something we shared. The love for this season. 

Maybe Oliver was a bit too old to be pushed on the swing, but he loved it and kept squealing to go higher... I smile as he just seems to have the time of his life and so was i... Mya is watching us, and Oliver waves at her and she smiles waving back... She doesn't say anything so i guess what i am doing is alright...

After a while Oliver gets bored of the swings and he wants to play in the sandbox... I open it up for him and as he starts on his sandcastle i walk over to Mya whose eyes are fixed on me as if she is staring in my soul... 

"Comfortable?" I ask smiling and she nods... I sit down next to her... "He is amazing..." I whisper and Mya takes in a deep breath. "Thank you..." She whispers back as we sit there watching him playing in the sand. 

All of a sudden i feel her lay her head on my shoulder and my breath hitches in my throat at her show of affection ... "We are not going to stay in the hotel, are we?" She asks and i can't help but smile a little... But i am confused as it is more like a question instead of an observation... I take in a sharp breath my mind racing on how to respond... "You still can... If you really want to... I would be really happy if you both stayed here. There is plenty of room..." I whisper my mind racing hoping she will stay, that they both stay... The silence is killing me as she doesn't answer... When i glance at her i can see her mind working overtime... "No pressure... No expectations... But i would love to have Oliver around more... To have you both around more..." I whisper and she sighs... Still no answer, and anxiety sinks in. It is killing me that she doesn't say anything. But she is not moving either. Her head is still on my shoulder. 

"I am so confused..." She whispers softly and sounding so vulnerable... "Confused about what... Ba... Mya..." I say correcting myself as i almost called her baby girl again... She sighs again followed by silence... She is thinking of what to say but it doesn't come... She stands up and i feel my stomach drop as she walks over to Oliver... 

Part of me expects her to tell Oliver it is time to go... But she sits down next to him on the little bench of the sandbox... She runs her hand through his hair, and he looks at her... They talk about something i can't quite hear. But something tells me to not go over and interrupt... All of a sudden Oliver jumps up and runs over to me... "Chris we are staying here!" He says all excited and i force myself to smile as tears fill my eyes... Another hug follows and i hold him tight as i look at Mya who is still sitting in the sandbox watching us... 

She looks away and i can see she is wiping some tears away... "I need to pee..." Oliver says wriggling out of our hug and i chuckle... "Well, you know where the toilet is..." I say as he has been before, and he nods blushing a little and runs inside of the house... I stand up and walk over to Mya and sit down next to her... "Thank you..." I whisper as we sit shoulder to shoulder, and she sighs... 

"Thank me again in the morning when he will wake you up jumping up and down on your bed..." She says letting out a chuckle wiping her tears away again... I smile... "Can't wait..." I whisper and she chuckles again... "But seriously... Thank you... I know this all is not easy on you..." I say and she sighs... "That's just its Chris... It is easy... That is so fucking confusing..." She says and i look at her a little surprised. 

We sit there in silence each in our own thoughts. I am trying to figure out what she means. I debate to ask her to clarify but i am afraid for the answer... 

Lost in our own thoughts we had not noticed Oliver sneaking up at us and Mya and i both jump in the air screaming out as he scares the living daylight out of us... I roll over the ground through the sand as my heart beats a mile a minute. Mya has her hand over her heart trying to calm herself again as Oliver is rolling through the grass laughing his ass off... I stand up and pat the sand off of me and smirk... "You little..." I growl and step closer to him like an animal on the hunt... He scrambles up squealing and as he makes a run for it chase after him... The little bugger is fast or maybe i am just old but when i finally get a hold of him i pick him up and throw him over my shoulder. He kicks and squirms as i tickle him, yelling out for his mother to safe him... "Mommy help...!" He squeals and giggles... But Mya smiles and just shakes her head while i smirk at her... "Not helping..." She says laughing and it is the best sound. The sound of joy...