Married, on paper.

21. Mya's answer

I look at the letter in my hand... My address in her handwriting on the envelope. My heart was racing, and my anxiety is through the roof... But then again it has been ever since i posted my own letter to her... The idea of her not answering started to take hold when after a week there was nothing... No letter... I had given up a little already but after 12 days here it was... In my hand a letter from Mya... I still recognize her handwriting from the little notes we would leave each other all over the house... The little notes i still have in a box neatly put away as i was scared Genevieve would find them and throw them away... But i didn't need them to know this was a letter from Mya... My hands are shaking as i open the letter careful not to rip it... I brace myself for the worst while hoping for the best... I take a deep breath and swallow hard as i begin to read.

Chris...

Oh god where to start... 

Sorry it took me so long to respond. In all honesty i spend days debating if i should and days after that thinking of what i wanted to say... So, this letter might be a bit of a ramble... But after starting and throwing away 4 letters already i give up... This one will have to do...

I am sorry to hear about your wedding not happening. You might not believe that but i really am sorry... I really wish you all the happiness in the world and as i read your letter i realized i forgot to tell you. So, i will get the following out the way first. 

I forgive you... I have forgiven you a long time ago. I had to... I had to... I had to because with Oliver looking so much like you, i did not want to become bitter towards him... It is like a cruel joke how much he looks like you. 

As you will probably have noticed by now i put some photos with the letter... I hope you will treasure them like i do... I think your mom will love to see them because let's be real... There is no way she doesn't know about us now... You could not keep a secret from your mom to save your life when we were together and i dont think that has changed. At least i hope not... Tell her i say hi and i hope she is not too angry with me...

Chris when it comes to us... I can't tell you what you want to hear. I would be lying if i say that i dont love you anymore. I think my love for you never went away and part of me will love you forever... If only for giving me our beautiful boy... Even when you broke me, i blamed myself for a long time. I blamed myself for not being able to explain myself better at that moment... I blame myself for not being able to stop you from leaving me. And then as some sort of cruel twist of faith i found out i was pregnant... 

I found out i was pregnant very late into the pregnancy... I was already 15 weeks... I chalked up my morning sickness to heartbreak never realized that i had missed my periods. At that point i already send you the annulment papers and well i thought we were over... We were over... But faith had another thing in store for us i guess... I debated for a long time if i should tell you... But you seemed to have moved on and it hurt... It hurt to see you with one woman after another... So, i had to protect myself... I had to protect Oliver. The stress would not be good for me or the baby so i removed all my social media... I made a plan and moved to Yellowstone... I thought, if the dream of our live together had fallen apart. I could at least realize my other dream... Living in Yellowstone surrounded by nature and feel free... You should see the sky here at night. When it is clear it is beautiful... 

Boston was not home anymore and with my family and you still living there i just could not go back... I needed a fresh start away from all the painful memories... You were the only reason i sticked around in Boston in the first place... 

Being surrounded by nature was healing and with my growing belly it was a welcome change to slow down and get settled in small town life. A town were you name does not ring a bell or pulls much weight... (Sorry) People just care about other things around here. 

You would love the people here... They are all so kind and helpful. People really go out of their way to help each other. The general practitioner was getting of age here... I started working for him as an assistant 6 months pregnant and after i had Oliver, he sat me down. I think Oliver was 6 months old at the time... After a long talk he sent me to medical school... The only stipulation being that i had to take over his practice when he couldn't practice anymore... That is how we got to live in the house you found us in... I graduated, and worked with him for 6 months after that before he passed... It was like he waited for me to have my medical degree...  After his passing he left his practice and house to me... 

But i digress... You wanted to know about Oliver... Oliver is now 8 almost 9 like he would say. He is the sweetest boy... Just like his father. He is so funny has the same humor as you... Yes, even away from you i can't escape the jump scares... I swear this kid is going to give me a heart attack one of these days... He is smart doing amazing in school and liked by all his classmates. He is passionate about animals and i think i have a budding Vet in my house... He loves all animals but especially dogs and is absolutely smart enough to become anything he want... We had a little dog who unfortunately died a few months ago... I had asked him if he wanted a new one but in his little wise words, he told me he was not ready to replace Toby... He is all heart... Just like his dad...  But when he is ready i will get him a new dog... A new dog to take on our hikes... He loves to be outdoors... To explore and listen to birds and watch the bears and all other wildlife around here... (From a safe distance of course...)

I know this next part is probably going to sting... But i am sorry he doesn't know who you are... Meaning he knows you as Captain America... But not that you are his dad. I decided long ago i would tell him when he is old enough when i could properly explain what happened... What i did do was watch your movies with him... Maybe it is comforting to know he loves them, and Captain America is his absolute favorite... 

But you, showing up on my doorstep made me think... I told you i was a good mother... When i read your letter part of me wanted to throw it away. But i couldn't bring myself to it... If i am the good mother that i claim to be i have to put my own feeling aside for our boy... I have to admit that i always thought you would be an amazing father. That was never the reason i kept him from you... I hope you know that... I hope you can ever forgive me for doing that to you. But i can't be selfish anymore... Otherwise, the words you said to me on the last day together come true... Then i will be like my mother.

So... We are going to be in Boston next month... There is one thing you have to know about Oliver if you hadn't noticed which i think you have not... Oliver is deaf... He has a cochlear implant. He has had one since he was 10 months old... I will show you the video of him being able to hear for the first time one day... Like i said we will be in Boston as he needs a new one and the doctor, he is comfortable with works in Boston now... 

So, this is my suggestion... We can meet... But i dont know if it is wise to tell him you are his father yet... I am open to you two meeting and getting to know each other. But i ask of you to please respect that boundary for now and let's take it one step at a time... We will tell him eventually but i need some time... Some time to prepare him and with the stress of having to go to the doctor in a city he does not know... I dont want to overwhelm him... But i know he would love to meet you and spend time with you... He hasn't stopped talking about how Captain America showed up at his door...

But when it comes to us... Let's be the best co parents we can be... That's it, let's not complicate it even more than it already is... I love you, Chris. I really do and seeing you made me realize i never stopped loving you... Butt i dont think my heart can take a relationship anymore... I am too scared to ever open up again and all i want is to just be the best mother i can be... I am sorry... But you will forever have a place in my heart... You gave me the best thing in the world after all... Our son...

I will let you know which hotel we will be staying at. But i think in order to protect Oliver's privacy it is best to meet up in your place... The last thing i want is Oliver plastered all over social media... But i think he has a right to get to know you and i have made peace with that...

I love you and Oliver will to... How could he not... You are an amazing man who made a stupid mistake once... You have paid the price, and you should not have to pay for it the rest of your life. Growing up is letting go of the past and things you can't change... I am growing up...

Love you and we will see you soon, Mya...